Life can be stressful when you’re juggling commitments with loved ones, jobs, school, and community. There are many experiences or circumstances that can make it difficult to enjoy sexual intimacy. In particular, being diagnosed with a sexually transmitted infection (STD) can be a frightening and traumatic experience. Sometimes the diagnosis leads people to believe that their sex life will be affected forever.
We are taught many STD myths and stigma that are often at the forefront of misinformation. This stigma can be devastating. It can prevent people from accessing important care, cause isolation and alienation, and fuel misplaced shame and self-blame. Stigma also has the power to make sex feel scary, unsafe, or scary. It can weaken one’s right to experience pleasure. However, better understanding STDs is an important first step in reconnecting with your sensuality.
To get you started, here’s some information about STDs. STDs are usually bacterial or viral infections that can be spread through sexual contact. Common conditions include chlamydia, gonorrhea, herpes simplex virus (HSV), human papillomavirus (HPV) and HIV. STDs are both very common and happen to anyone—the Centers for Disease Control estimates that at any given time, 1 in 5 people have an STD.
There is no reason why STDs should be treated any differently than any other infection. Many are treated with antibiotics and/or topical medications. While some STDs are not curable – such as HSV, HPV and HIV – they is wieldy. For example, HIV is manageable through antiretroviral drugs (ART). For people with HIV taking ART, their viral load can become undetectable, preventing the progression of HIV and preventing transmission to sexual partners while using safer sexual practices. ARTs can also be effective treatment for people with HSV by reducing or preventing outbreaks and reducing the chance of passing HSV to partners. Although ARTs are not curative, some people make enough antibodies against the virus to clear it on their own—even without treatment. Recurring symptoms, such as genital warts, can also be treated with medications, topical creams, cryotherapy, or electrosurgery. Regular Pap smears can check for precancerous or cancerous cells that can be removed through non-invasive procedures.
While staying informed about how STDs work and treatments can keep you physically safe, knowing these facts doesn’t always ensure emotional safety. If accessing pleasure is difficult after diagnosis, here are some suggestions that may help you reconnect with your romantic self:
Make time to journal about feelings and experiences with sex. Building the image on your current thoughts, beliefs, and feelings can help you identify your wants and needs for intimacy. Possible questions to ask yourself:
- How do you currently feel about intimacy in general or being intimate?
- What are your hopes or desires for intimacy?
- What helps you feel physically safe during intimacy?
- What helps or could help you feel emotionally comfortable during intimacy?
Step back into pleasure. Your genitals can still give you pleasure, but erogenous zones can be all over your body. Common extra-genital or non-genital areas are the scalp, ears, hands and wrists, breasts and nipples, feet and toes. And, because every body is different, so can erogenous zones. Consider exploring physical contact in new ways with different toys, textures, and pressures—you might be surprised by what you learn about your body!
If you are a partner, take the time to communicate with them about your feelingssmall. Creating space for you and your partner to express wants and needs for physical and emotional safety can increase connection and safety in your relationship. What physical and emotional boundaries do they find important to express and maintain? Are there activities you want to continue or try during sex? You may choose to transfer knowledge gained from journaling exercises and continue exploring any new or familiar erogenous zones.
These proposals are not uniform. if they don’t feel useful to you, that’s okay! Taking the time to intentionally examine your current relationship with your body, emotions, and sensuality is an important first step. In general, know that having an STD does not define you or your sexual expression, period. Find strategies to remember and internalize this fact. No one and no condition can take away your right and ability to access pleasure and sensuality.
—Sam Farley, Clinical Intern
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Sam Farley is a former clinical intern who participated in the Carolina Sexual Wellness Center’s STAAR Initiative program. To learn more about STAAR/affordable sexual therapy options at Carolina Sexual Wellness Center or to schedule an appointment with one of our practitioners or therapists, please call 919-297-8322.
