As we come to the end of Schizophrenia Awareness Week, we share the inspiring story of Sandra and Kym, a committed couple whose journey of life together was shaped by Kym’s diagnosis of schizophrenia. Their story is one of resilience, love and an unwavering commitment to understanding and supporting each other through every challenge and triumph.
“Among other things, I am a wife and a mother first. I have a doctorate, so my husband calls me doctor,” Sandra begins. Kym, a former nurse, shares a life filled with different interests with Sandra. Both garden, read, love cinema, interior design, visual art and culture. Sandra, with a background in marketing, has taught painting and drawing and taught Honors students in research methods at UniSA. However, everything changed when Sandra became Kym’s full-time carer after he was diagnosed with schizophrenia.
Kym is so much more than his diagnosis, he is an intelligent and compassionate person who once served as a nurse, dedicating himself to caring for others. “My husband plays chess and recently learned Latin. I can’t do either,” laughs Sandra. His intellectual curiosity and love of learning are just some of the many qualities that define him. Kym’s passion for chess and his recent attempt to learn Latin reflect his lively and curious mind. Sandra emphasizes, “It’s important to look beyond the diagnosis and recognize the incredible person they are.”
Reflecting on how Kym’s diagnosis has affected their relationship, Sandra shares, “It’s definitely been challenging. At times it runs the gamut of emotions from A to Z and then some. It’s been everything, and heaven and hell again.We He has been married 39 years this year, if anything, his diagnosis has made us stronger.” Despite the challenges, they find joy in shared activities and have grown closer through their shared experiences.
Both Sandra and Kym love their time in the garden and their daily ritual of reading. “We have ‘Friday night flop outs’ where we watch a movie or series, eat snacks and generally relax after the week. We like to talk about current affairs.” Their shared love of nature and spiritual pursuits strengthens their bond and provides a sense of normalcy and joy.
The most difficult aspect of caring for a partner with schizophrenia was the loss of friendships. “A lot of people are still wary and scared of this state of consciousness. We felt left out and missed out on life experiences that we would have previously shared before Kym’s diagnosis,” reveals Sandra. The stigma surrounding schizophrenia has led to a sense of isolation, particularly after a particularly traumatic psychotic break. Doing their own research was critical.
“Kym was a nurse and had first-hand experience of working in a mental health department, so he knew what was going on with his own mental health. When he was diagnosed, I visited libraries, read magazines and looked online for information.” Sandra and Kym explored beyond the medical model to better understand his experiences, which helped maintain a stable and supportive environment.
“I have mental health days where I just wander around fruit and vegetable shops and second-hand bookshops to take a break from my carer role. Kym likes to listen to music on headphones and switch off from the outside world when she needs to, and that’s okay too.” Sandra and Kym’s biggest motivation is to let others know that “with time, patience and understanding, love conquers all.”
For those who have a family member diagnosed with schizophrenia, Sandra advises, “Hang in there. While it may be the most difficult time, it will also be the most rewarding experience; be present in the company of someone who sees the world in color that don’t exist yet – what a gift.” He emphasizes the importance of seeking help. “It can be very difficult at times, and you’ll feel like you’re alone in this, but you’re not. There are many excellent organizations that can help you if needed. Some are just a phone call or a keystroke away.” Kym’s schizophrenia led Sandra to pursue a PhD in language and schizophrenia, present her research at Oxford University twice and publish it in a book.
“I learned how privileged I am to be loved so much by someone who experiences the world sometimes so differently from myself and who has shared his sometimes wonderful and poetic visions.” Despite ongoing awareness campaigns, Sandra feels mental illness is still misunderstood. “We’re definitely at the point where we understand that health is holistic — the mind and body can get sick, and it’s just being human.”
Sandra and Kym’s story is a testament to the power of love, resilience and the importance of understanding and supporting those dealing with mental health issues. Looking beyond the diagnosis, Sandra reminds us to appreciate the unique people living with schizophrenia and recognize the richness they bring to our lives.
