How different is your summer wardrobe from your winter wardrobe? Sure, you’re probably not breaking out the wool sweaters right now, but are you still covered enough from neck to wrist to ankle? I’m guessing you’re struggling with summer body insecurity and probably dealing with poor body image in general.
When you don’t feel affectionate about your body—or at least its appearance—you may be hesitant to show more than a few inches of skin, even when the temperature rises. While the idea of baring more skin and showing more can make you feel uncomfortable mentally, staying covered up can leave you physically uncomfortable for much of the summer, but it can affect summer activities.
It’s hard to cool off in a pool, lake, or ocean without a swimsuit. It’s hard to enjoy a hike on a hot day if you’re not wearing shorts and a tank top. It’s hard to feel like you don’t stick out like a sore thumb if you’re the only one at the barbecue covered from head to toe. It can be tempting to skip summer weddings or outdoor parties that require bare arms and legs.
You may feel that if you stay covered up, no one will really know what your body looks like (which isn’t true if you’re not comfortable with your size or shape). Maybe you’ve put on weight and don’t want (or really can’t afford) clothes that fit.
Is it modesty… or something else?
I want to pause for a moment and address the issue of modesty. I fully understand that some people expose minimal skin out of personal or religious modesty. For example, I used to live in a neighborhood in Seattle with a large Orthodox Jewish community, and both men and women stayed covered in the summer. That said, for most people, you can dress to be physically comfortable in the summer without being “indecent” by today’s standards.
You can wear a tank top without showing cleavage or side chest. You can wear shorts that don’t flash your cheeks. You can wear a swimsuit that you are not afraid of falling out of.
You are using modesty as an excuse (not a legal reason) if you can answer yes to this question: “If I were…
- thinner
- more emphasized
- had less cellulite
- it was not as pale as snow
- she had firmer skin
- he had no varicose veins
…would I show more skin in the summer?”
Show yourself compassion
When you’re anxious about your body, even as you struggle between whether you’d rather be physically uncomfortable (too hot) or mentally (too “exposed”), that’s hard. It is a form of mental distress in itself, and that hurts. Maybe you’re just thinking about staying home instead of going to the barbecue or going on that nature hike… even if you really want to go. This can make you feel lonely, even sad.
When you get caught in one of these spirals of “What is the best option to minimize my suffering”, if you can manage to notice that you are actually in a spiral, then breathe and give yourself space for your thoughts and feelings which I experience, this is a valuable first step.
When you do this, you are aware (you are aware that you are thinking the thoughts you are thinking, rather than just being caught up in those thoughts) and this slight separation between you and your thoughts gives you the opportunity to press the “pause” button so you can respond rather than react to what you’re experiencing.
Instead of reacting out of fear or anxiety, you can choose what to do based on other factors. How would you feel if you missed the hike you love or missed seeing friends/family at this gathering. How would it feel to enjoy yourself and pursue meaningful social connection? What would your future self prefer you to do?
You might as well show yourself some self-compassion because, again, bad body image moments hurt. It’s hard to live in a society that tells us only certain bodies are “right.”
If, like many people, you find it easier to show compassion to others than to yourself, try treating yourself the same way you would treat a friend facing the same dilemma. “I’m sorry you’re struggling with this. It’s really bad!” You might also think about what you would say to a friend who is considering skipping something they really want to do because it involves wearing shorts or a tank top, or considering going but wearing clothes that would make them hot and miserable…
Related Posts:
My story of silliness
I won’t lie. I have a history of body image issues that I have mostly overcome but not 100% (recovery is a process). This includes weight (like many women, I have a history of serial dieting), but even at my lowest weight, I didn’t want to show off my legs. I had cellulite (which is completely normal but still reviled). I’ve also had spider veins since my early 20s, which were eventually followed by varicose veins.
Then, in 2006, I spectacularly broke my left ankle. While it works perfectly, thanks to surgery, a variety of metal plates and screws, and physical therapy, it is permanently a bit bigger than my right ankle. He also has some faded but still noticeable (and quite large) surgical scars. When I’m on my feet for a long time, or the weather is hot, or I’m on a flight for more than a few hours, the ankle swells. We’re talking welcome to Cankleville.
While those graphics on the ankle don’t excite me, today I’m over them. This was NOT the case in 2009 when we spent two weeks in Buenos Aires in February (their fall). The weather was unseasonably warm, but what was I wearing the WHOLE time? Jeans. My husband was comfortable in shorts, while I wore a jeans sauna from the waist down. I was wearing short sleeves and tank tops, thank God. And sandals. But heaven show my ankle! What I really needed to wear was shorts and skirts.
Some customer stories
Having said all that, I’ll let you imagine how excited I get when one of my clients breaks through the barrier of self-awareness and allows themselves to dress appropriately for the summer weather.
A few years ago, one of my clients was a young mother who was working to embrace her significantly larger body after years of punishing diet and exercise programs that ended up injuring her. One of her goals was to find the courage to wear shorts and tank tops. She started by wearing them around the house and in her own yard. Then when she’s running simple errands like dropping her son off at camp or taking him to the neighborhood park. Then he started wearing them whenever the weather called for it.
Then came the swimsuit. He wanted to exercise again, but gently, so as not to injure himself again. She also wanted to try water aerobics… but that meant wearing a swimsuit in public. This was very difficult for her, but she admitted that choosing a class where the younger women had been for decades made it easier. Finally, the sensation of being in the water won her overand was able to wear her swimsuit to a big family gathering — and didn’t hide when her sister took candid photos with everyone.
Another customer took a summer trip to Italy. It was going to be hot. There would be hiking, yoga and swimming. Despite body image struggles that led to the latest weight gain in a long history of yo-yo dieting (a rollercoaster she eventually decided to get off of), she bought new shorts, sleeveless shirts and bathing suits for her trip. Comfort over unnecessary vanity!
Your shipment, if you choose to accept it
If any aspect of your body, whether it’s size or cellulite or loose skin, prevents you from dressing comfortably in the summer, I challenge you (gently) to practice putting physical comfort first this summer. Here’s your “recipe” to improve your summer body confidence:
- Get some comfortable clothes that fit and don’t make you feel TOO exposed (ie, no need to go for plunging necklines or short shorts). I personally like Universal Standard when I’m willing to pay a bit more, but some of my summer staples come from Old Navy and Target.
- Take baby steps, as did the first customer I mentioned. Start with your own backyard or balcony, then maybe a park near your home. Then maybe on a day trip where you bring your own food so just stop at parks or rest areas. In other words, minimal social “threat”. As you get more comfortable and realize the world is still spinning despite wearing shorts in public, branch out.
- Whenever you feel the need to snuggle up, repeat this mantra: “I deserve to be physically comfortable, and my mental discomfort will lessen as I get used to a new normal.” Is true.
- If someone ever says something rude, excuse me, but the f***ers. Like, really. Let them wallow in their rudeness and false superiority. You are better than this.
- Bonus: Go somewhere where you’ll see bodies of all sizes wearing small clothes. When I was on the beach in Waikiki, I saw all kinds of bodies in all sizes of swimsuits and nobody left a rat behind. When I visit a local lake every summer, I see all sizes and body types in shorts, tank tops and bathing suits. And nobody gives back a rat. When you rely on media (including commercials, movies, and TV shows) to show you who’s “allowed” to bare their legs and arms (and maybe their waist), it’s easy to feel overwhelmed.
Three podcasts that might be helpful, all with a stylist Dacy Gillespie of Mindful Closetis:
Carrie Dennett, MPH, RDN, is a registered dietitian nutritionist based in the Pacific Northwest, freelance writer, intuitive nutrition consultant, author, and speaker. Her superpowers include; debunking nutritional myths and empowerment of women feel better about their bodies and make food choices that support pleasure, nutrition and health. This post is for informational purposes only and does not constitute personalized nutrition or medical advice.
Looking for 1 on 1 nutritional advice? Carrie offers a 6-month Food & Body program (intuitive eating, body image, awareness, self-compassion) and a 4 month IBS management program (How-FODMAP diet coaching with an emphasis on increasing food freedom). Visit the links to learn more and book a free introductory call to see if the program is a good fit and if we’re a good fit!
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