“I will never be able to change.” I hear these words all the time from customers. Maybe you have said (or thought) on your own.
The reality is that people change all the time. We are constantly changing, whether we know it or not. This is because everything changes and nothing is permanent. Emotions go through, our cell cycle, times shift, the plants in your garden grow. Being alive you have to change.
What I really think is happening when someone says “I will never be able to change” is that they feel stuck, on a journey. This, quite understandable, does not feel well.
It’s a catch-22: The belief that you can’t change can almost become a self-fulfilled prophecy that creates a real obstacle to even try to change. This belief also makes you more likely to give up your initial attempts to change you don’t “take”.
The truth is that changing habits often get multiple attempts, because “Success” is not linear. It is not a straight road from points A to b. Includes curves and changes and sometimes descends to the wrong exit and needs to double. Includes the proverbial one step forward and two steps back.
For example, it is estimated that fewer than 10% of people trying to quit smoking achieve this effort and need six to 11 attempts to abandon successfully.
Acceptance against incentives
Two elements that help make changes are accepting* of yourself as you are now, and a change of change that is aligned with your values - who you are and what you support.
For example, if your eating habits cause you physical or psychological discomfort and one of your values is compassion, then you are not aligned with your values if you are involved in behaviors that cause you unnecessary pain. Placing your focus on treating yourself with compassion or kindness can help facilitate change.
*Note that acceptance does not mean you do not want to change. It means that you accept it now, right now, you are someone who, like all humans, is dirty and incorrect (and that’s ok) and that there are changes you could make to your habits and behaviors that will benefit you and possibly others. Starting with acceptance can help avoid trap to make changes in shame or urgent need. “I accept myself and I want to change” is very different from “I am a horrible broken person and I have to change.”
I had customers waiting for years to try to make a specific change because they are expecting motivation to hit. Or waiting for the stars to be aligned.
However, waiting for motivation to hit fully before taking action can be reversed – why what if the motivation never hits? It is more likely that taking action (in small, manageable steps) will lead to motivation.
It is also important to point out that if you have limited internal resources to focus on health and self-care, you will be on a slower path to change. There the acceptance of your current reality and the exercise of self -concentration can help.*
*Unlike popular belief, the channeling of your internal drill sergeant will at best lead to short -term motives. In order to make the most of the deepest wells of motivation, you need to pair action by identifying and exploring your values (more for this).
The elephant in the room: ambiguity
Sometimes it seems so obvious that if we made x to change our lives it would be better. We will be happier, healthier, more confident, more economically secure … anything else.
But no matter how clear we are in the “award” of changing a habit or behavior, we can bring a lot of ambiguity. We see the benefit of change … but also to non -change. We see the costs (or risks) attracting the status quo, but also to make changes.
Part of this ambiguity may result from not believing that you can change. The thought of trying only to fail can advise you to stay safe with what is familiar – even if what is familiar does not work for you.
So if you find yourself stuck with the belief that you can’t change, here are two things to try:
Someone, draw a grid of 4 square squares on a piece of paper. Label a square, “advantages of change”, the second square “Disadvantages of Change”, the third square “Status Quo” advantages and the fourth square “Disadvantages of the status quo”. Then write the advantages and disadvantages you think about in the right square. Let these four lists guide you.
Two, explore your values - the personal qualities you want to integrate your actions, the kind of person you want to be, the way you want to treat yourself and everyone/all around you. In the following positions, there is one that can start you – because involvement in behaviors and attitudes that are in contrast to your values is definitely a “con of status quo”.
Do you need more help to make changes that support health and prosperity? Click here To schedule a free 20 minute discovery call To talk about your concerns and if you will benefit from nutrition therapy.
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Disclaimer: All information provided here is general and provided only for educational purposes. This information should not be taken as medical or other health tips related to a person’s specific health or medical condition. You agree that the use of this information is at your own risk.
Hi, I am Carrie dennett; Mph, rdn, a weight-inclusive Registered Dietitian, Nutrition Therapist and body image consultant. I help adults of all ages, shapes, sizes and sexes who want to escape from eating disorders, disturbed food or chronic diet. If you need to learn how to Manage IBS symptoms with food, or Improve your eating and lifestyle habits to help manage A current health concern Or you just support your overall health and prosperity, I help people with it.
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