When it comes to stress and sex, I usually hear one of two things from people:
“If I’m stressed, there’s no way I’m thinking about sex.”
THE:
“Sex is my stress reliever. It’s my favorite thing to do after a long day.”
Both of these sentiments are equally valid. And, by the way, neither is “better” than the other.
But in a sexual context, these feelings give us critical information about the stress each partner is carrying and what each partner needs to cope and reconnect.
How stress can reduce sex drive
Chronic stress can (and usually does) lower your sex drive. This is because whenever you experience stress, your body releases cortisol. But over time, increased cortisol production actually suppresses testosterone production. And as one of the key hormones involved in sexual arousal for all genders, decreased testosterone = decreased libido.
But a decreased libido can create additional stress within a relationship. All partners suffer if resentment builds up and there is a lack of understanding or closeness.
If you’re the type of person who sees sex as a stress reliever, you might say, “I don’t get it. Let’s have sex and you’ll feel better?’
How stress can increase sex drive
On the other hand, I talk to people all the time who don’t describe their anxiety as chronic, but rather as occasional. Someone cut you off, you were late for an appointment, even a rough day at work. It is often the case that these people turn to sex for stress relief. Here’s why that might be.
Remember what I said about cortisol? Along with adrenaline, it is the hormone associated with fight or flight. Adrenaline makes your heart beat faster, your breath go faster, your blood flow more freely. In other words… your system is stimulated.
If you get stressed out now and then, then those small doses of adrenaline (which also happen from things like rock climbing and eating spicy food) can definitely be channeled into sex. Remember: arousal is neither good nor bad, it’s just your body’s response to stimuli. When the stress happens chronicthen a reduced sex drive begins. But if you’re lucky enough to experience stress incidentally, I’m not surprised if sex sounds appealing as a coping mechanism.
How to manage stress and sex
Regardless of your stress level, your sex drive never goes away forever – even when it does. But if you want sex to be a part of your life, I suggest a few things.
- Soothing, non-sexual touch. Surprise! My first tip is not the sex itself. But whether it’s a professional massage, a smooch or a straight hug, your nervous system switches from “fight or flight” mode to “rest and assimilate” mode when you receive supportive touch.
- Explore Cannabis (Wisdom). Not everyone is a cannabis person, and that’s totally fine. But if it works well for your system, there are brands out there that make products specifically geared toward mild, sexual stimulation. VIIA does High Love Gummies, which are infused with THC, CBD, and herbal aphrodisiacs like damiana and horny goat weed. The result is full-body euphoria (yes!), with enhanced sex drive. Allow 30 minutes to an hour before you want to log in. If you’re not a cannabis person, VIIA It also has a full line of THC-free products tailored to sleep, relief and focus, helping you improve your daily life and overall well-being without an added high.
- Movement. Every kind. Realizing I’m the 100th person in your life to recommend exercise for stress, sorry – but it’s true. Exercise helps metabolize stress hormones, reducing cortisol and adrenaline levels. It also releases endorphins, your body’s feel-good chemicals. If you’re in a relationship, you can even turn date nights into a gym, which is not only good for stress but also for turning you both on.
- Don’t stop communicating. If you’re in a relationship, you may feel irritated and resentful if stress has affected your sex life. But these are the kinds of feelings that bring things together, so don’t stew in silence – talk to each other. My Three T Guide it’s a good start to open up a challenging conversation. For deeper help, therapy can help partners communicate more effectively, create stress-relieving rituals, and significantly improve sex life.
- Masturbate. Sometimes giving the same Love touch is just what you need to restore your sex drive from a stress-induced slumber. This does a couple of things: it fires up your sexual imagination and takes your mind off the stressor, and it reconnects you with your body so you’re not so caught up in your head. HereI guide you in a conscious practice of masturbation.
Understanding your stress and gender type is essential to maintaining a healthy, satisfying sexual relationship. With the recognition and respect of yours and each other’s needs, you can better support each other and keep intimacy alive.
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