Back to school is a difficult time for most families, but for children with mental health problems, the social and academic pressures can be especially difficult. Here are some ideas for a more balanced and supportive experience for you and your child.
CLEAR A ROUTINE
Creating a predictable routine provides a sense of security for all children. In particular, it is important to:
Maintain consistency: Keep regular times for meals, study times and bedtime.
Prepare the night before: Encourage your child to prepare every night for the next day. Decide on clothes, review the next day’s schedule and gather necessary school supplies. Also prepare lunch for the next day if possible or decide before bed what will be organized in the morning.
Incorporate relaxation: Include some relaxation time after school. This could include reading a book, watching a favorite show, listening to music, or engaging in a hobby or physical activity.
THEY CELEBRATE SMALL VICTORIES
Recognize effort, not just achievement: Focus on every effort your child makes to do something that is not easy for him. Depending on where your child is, this can range from getting organized in the morning, attending school that day, helping a classmate, learning a new word or concept, etc. to something more that includes, such as completing work or a task. And celebration doesn’t have to be a grand gesture. A word of encouragement, a favorite meal or treat, or a special family activity can be a powerful way to show your child that you recognize their effort.
By celebrating small wins, you can make a big difference by reinforcing positive behavior, building self-esteem and maintaining motivation.
Keep a victory journal: Encourage your child to record their daily or weekly efforts and achievements in a journal. This can be a great way to boost their potential, especially if they experience a drop in confidence or escalating anxiety along the way. Looking back through it can be very reassuring and motivating. Also, encourage your child to share their journal with trusted others who are likely to recognize and praise their efforts.
Set achievable goals: Break down larger tasks into smaller, manageable goals. This way, your child can experience the joy of achievement more often.
BE FLEXIBLE
Flexibility is critical to managing school pressures and helps create a more supportive and less stressful environment.
Be open to change: Understand that there will be good days and bad days. What works today may not work tomorrow. Be open to changing strategies, routines or plans based on your child’s needs.
Cooperation with the School: If possible, contact teachers on a regular basis. Let them know your child’s needs and work together to adjust educational strategies. These may include:
- Prioritize well-being over academics: There will be times when your child’s mental health should take precedence over academic demands. Recognizing these moments is crucial to their overall well-being and future potential.
- Embracing different learning styles: Every child learns differently and there are seven learning styles to explore if your child is struggling in certain classes or not understanding certain concepts. You can find out more information at this link:
DEAL WITH NEGATIVE FEELINGS AND THOUGHTS
Your child may need techniques to calm down and regulate emotions such as anxiety, sadness or anger when they arise.
Emotion Surfing: A simple but effective tool is to drive an uncomfortable feeling until it passes (like surfing a wave). Here are some links to guide you:
Fight negative emotions: Uncomfortable feelings are often driven by negative thoughts. So if your child is willing and able to work at a more cognitive (‘thinking’) level, they can learn to develop awareness of situations that trigger their emotions, to ‘catch’ negative thoughts as they happen, to stop negative thoughts, even challenge and reframe negative thoughts. The following three links cover different aspects of these skills, so you might want to browse through them and try out some ideas:
EMPOWER YOUR CHILD
Empowering your child refers to the process of nurturing their sense of self-worth and building a foundation for them to grow into confident, capable and self-reliant adults.
This can be achieved by helping your child:
Deal with negative feelings and thoughts: This is covered in the previous section.
Advocate for themselves: Teach your child to recognize and talk about their rights and needs.
Make decisions and solve problems: Involve your child in making decisions about everyday activities and finding solutions to problems as they arise. Consider all of your child’s decisions and solutions, even if they don’t match yours, and support them in learning from mistakes.
Focus on Strengths: Encourage your child to explore and focus on their individual interests and strengths. Also help them accept that they can’t be good at everything and that there will be setbacks along the way.
A more detailed overview on ways to empower your child, with instructions and examples, can be found at this link:
ENCOURAGE SOCIAL INTERACTION, BUT DON’T FORCE IT
Social interactions are an integral part of school life, but they can be overwhelming at times. Your child may oscillate between wanting to connect with others and preferring to spend time alone, and these desires may be affected by social anxiety or a perceived lack of acceptance and understanding from other children.
Here’s how you can help:
Respect their pace: Encourage your child to socialize, but understand their comfort level. If large groups are intimidating, start with smaller, more manageable social settings.
Promoting safe spaces: Encourage participation in clubs or activities where your child feels most comfortable. This can be a great way to make friends in a less stressful environment.
Embrace loneliness as a positive experience: Recognize that being alone is not the same as being alone. It can be a time for self-reflection, relaxation and enjoying your own company. This is important for a child’s sense of self-reliance if they cannot find someone to hang out with. Send them to school with a book to read or draw to use at recess.
Many children also find it useful to bring something like a handball to school which can attract the attention of other children who may want to join in and play. And if you’re looking for more ideas on how to help your child make friends, check out this link:
TACKLE THE BULLYING
The topic of bullying is important and warrants its own section. To learn more about what bullying is, how to recognize it, why your child might be bullied and a range of tips on how to deal with it, you may find this link useful:
By focusing on any of the areas in this article, you can help create a supportive and nurturing environment for your child. Remember, the goal is not to eliminate challenges, but to equip yourself and your child with some tools to help manage the social and academic pressures of school life.
Dr Carissa Coulston-Parkinson is a Clinical Psychologist with specialist knowledge in the areas of depression, bipolar disorder, anxiety, schizophrenia, intellectual disability, personality disorders, traumatic brain injury and neurological conditions.
