“It’s a boy!” or “It’s a girl!” they are often the first words spoken after a baby is born. Most of us don’t remember the words when we were born and those of us who are parents will never forget those words when one of our children arrived. My wife, Carlin, and I have six children, seventeen grandchildren, and three great-grandchildren. Gender and gender issues have always been important to me, as they are to most.
Before the publication of his book, Boys and Men: Why the Modern Man Struggles, Why It Matters, and What to Do About It by Richard V. Reeves, I was sent a pre-publication copy for review. The book’s Foreword is titled “Concerned Dad to Concerned Wonk,” and Reeves begins by saying:
“I have been concerned about boys and men for 25 years. That comes with the territory when you’re raising three boys, all grown men now. George, Bryce, Cameron: I love you beyond measure. That’s why, even now, I sometimes worry about you.’
Reeves goes on to say,
“But my anxiety has spilled over into my day job. I work as a fellow at the Brookings Institution, focusing primarily on equality of opportunity, or the lack thereof. Until now, I’ve paid most attention to divisions of social class and race: But I’m increasingly concerned about gender differences, and perhaps not in the way you might expect. It has become clear to me that there are increasing numbers of boys and men who are struggling at school, at work and in the family. I used to worry about three boys and young men. Now I’m worried about millions.”
I also received an advance copy of Ruth Whippman’s new book, BoyMom: Reimaging Boyhood in the Age of Impossible Masculinity. I did a podcast interview with Ruth that I am including in this article.
Whippman begins the book with the following epigraphs that introduce readers to the book’s main themes:
“Boys need healthy self-esteem. They need love. And a wise and loving feminist policy can provide the only foundation to save the lives of male children. Patriarchy will not heal them. If that were the case, everyone would be fine. – bell hooks, Feminism is for everyone.
“And now,” cried Max, “let the wild mumble begin.” – Maurice Sendak, Where the Wild Things are.
Whippman’s introduction is titled #MeToo Baby and begins with these words:
“I hope for your sake it’s a girl,” said our mailwoman one morning as I sat on the front step, nine months pregnant, with my two sons buzzing hyperactively around me. Her eyes darted between my giant bump and the boys, who were playing a generic mildly violent game, to the soundtrack of “PEYEW PEYEW!!” NOOOOOOWWWWWW!!! HIYUHHHH!!” noises. When I told her no, our third child was another boy, she let out an involuntary moan of sympathy.’
Inspired by his own experiences as a father and policy expert, Richard Reeves founded the American Institute of Boys and Men (AIBM) in 2023 to raise awareness of the challenges facing boys and men today and develop evidence-based solutions . Their research focuses on the following five areas:
Boys and men are increasingly lonely and at greater risk of suicide and ‘deaths of despair’. We shed light on the men’s mental health crisis and seek urgent solutions.
By multiple measures, boys have fallen far behind in school. We look at the many factors that influence boys’ educational progress and outcomes.
Men, especially working class men, are struggling in our changing global economy. We look at the structural forces, including globalization, but also education and skills training that affect men in the labor market.
At a time when all boys and men face new challenges in school, work, and family life, Black boys and men face particular systemic disadvantages. We pay special attention to their needs and hardships.
Family life is changing, but dads matter as much as ever. We study the economic and cultural changes affecting boys and men at home and with their families.
Sex and gender in a time of social confusion and transformation
“I felt like society was being divided along gender lines,” says Ruth Whippman. “Conservatives were rallying around the men, jumping to their defense. #NotAllMen, they tweeted, deliberately denying the systemic nature of the problem. even going so far as to claim that men were the real victims of #MeToo.”
While Whippman acknowledges the problems with right-wing extremists, she also acknowledges that liberals are also missing some important realities.
“Liberals, my natural tribe, allied themselves with girls and women. In a strange politicization of gender itself, men and boys somehow became the very symbol of conservative values and women and girls of progressive values.”
He goes on to say,
“Although there were obviously still countless individual conservative women and progressive men, as a political class, women came to represent change and hope, while men symbolized the status quo, injustice, and damage. It was, of course, a false dichotomy, but on a gut, racial level it felt real. My tribe rejected my children. I found myself trapped on one side of the symbolic divide, with my own children on the other.”
Sex, power, and partisanship: How evolutionary science makes sense of our political divide
Dr. Hector A. Garcia is a clinician and has published extensively on evolutionary psychology. In his book, Sex, power, and partisanship: How evolutionary science makes sense of our political divide brings his years to bear to help us better understand sex, power and politics.
It describes well the forces facing our country.
“The mines of a nation begin to tear. Triumph in one group is met with fear and confusion in another. Old prejudices are revived. new ones are invented. The masses succumb to irrational forces, driven into a frenzy by politicians and the media. The nation is ready to devour itself.”
These words could come from today’s headlines, but they come from the first chapter of Garcia’s book, Sex, Power and Partisanship which was released in 2019. He goes on to say,
“The controversial election of Donald Trump as the forty-fifth president of the United States has polarized the United States more than at any other time in its modern history.”
Dr. Garcia goes on to say,
“To begin to understand this fracture, let’s turn to an unlikely source for psychological insight: media experts. American political commentator and talk show host Chris Mathews once described the Republicans as “Dad’s Party” and the Democrats as “Mom’s Party”. Writing to Baltimore Sun, On May 14, 1991, Matthews went on to say:
“Republicans protect us with a strong national defense. Democrats are feeding us Social Security and Medicare. Republicans are concerned about our business affairs. Democrats care about our health, nutrition and welfare. Republicans control the White House. Democrats provide a warm, loving presence on Capitol Hill… they are the traditional American family. Dad locks the door at night and brings home the bacon. Mom worries when the kids are sick and makes sure each one is treated fairly. This division of power and duty may seem an anachronism from the Leave it to Beaver era, but it is an appropriate model for today’s political household.”
Dr. Garcia cited hard-line conservative commentator Ann Coulter, who boasted on Fox News,
“I am more of a man than any liberal.”
Gender and gender issues color our lives, including current controversies over reproductive rights, gun violence, how we raise our children, and even who will be the next president of the United States.
I have been writing articles and books about sex and gender since my first book, Inside Out: Becoming My Own Man was published in 1983. Since then, I have written sixteen more books, including the two most recent, 12 Rules for Good Men and Long live Men! The Moonshot mission to heal men, close the lifespan gap and offer hope to humanity.
You can learn more about Ruth Whippman and her work at RuthWhippman.com. You can learn more about Richard Reeves and his work at the American Institute for Boys and Men at AIBM.org. If you want to know more about me and my work, you can find me at MenAlive.com.
