We are taught in sex education that unprotected sex leads to pregnancy – from the beginning of the ‘birds and bees’ debate, it really is that simple. However, the reality that about 1 in 5 couples face when trying to conceive is that it’s not always as easy as your teacher might make it out to be.
It’s an exciting time when you’re planning a family, but that excitement can turn to frustration, sadness, and even jealousy if pregnancy doesn’t happen right away. Whether you’re experiencing unexplained infertility or a medical condition has led to an infertility diagnosis, it’s rarely accepted without persistence. Every couple’s fertility journey is unique, and having trouble conceiving can have lasting effects on your relationship. So when stress levels are high and complex emotions begin to ebb and flow, how can you be there to support your spouse?
Ask them
Communication – a foreign topic to some, is critical throughout your fertility journey. Simply asking your partner where they are with things is a very supportive habit to adopt. If they are undergoing fertility treatments, ask how the medicine is making them feel and if there is anything you can do to ease any discomfort. If you’ve just left a less-than-encouraging appointment with a doctor, ask how they’re processing the information and share how you feel. Sometimes just being there to absorb some of their feelings is the best support you can give, and yes, sometimes that means being an emotional punching bag at times.
Reduce the Load
Taking on some extra responsibilities at home is a great way to support your spouse through infertility. Anticipating their needs –like taking out the trash without being asked, folding a load of laundry, or grocery shopping is a quiet, non-confrontational way to show that you’re working to reduce their daily stress and improve their overall mood.
Rely on friends and family
Being supportive doesn’t mean you have to be there 24/7. It’s okay to lean on friends and family when you need a break, both individually and as a couple. If you already have kids, arrange a sleepover or schedule a babysitter so you can enjoy some downtime. If you feel comfortable talking about your infertility challenges, confide in 1 or 2 trusted friends or family members so you can have a sounding board for your thoughts and feelings. If you have friends who have struggled or are struggling with infertility, they can be a great resource for advice and support.
Work together on treatment goals
Keeping up with as many doctor visits as possible is a good sign of support when you’re struggling with infertility. Being present and listening to treatment plans and options prevents your spouse from being forced to share embarrassing or embarrassing information with you later. When your doctor provides treatment plans or recommendations, follow them as a united couple. Check in with your spouse to make sure you’re still on the same page regarding treatments, goals, and finances. Being proactive about these things can reduce stress and help your partner feel supported.
Adjust your lifestyle
Most people know that drinking alcohol and smoking during pregnancy is a risk to your developing baby. What some people don’t know is that this same rule applies to attempted arrest. Adopting an overall healthier lifestyle it’s a great sign of support for your partner. Limiting your alcohol consumption and giving up unhealthy habits reminds them that you are committed to following this journey with them. Fertility-friendly diets rich in folate and omega fatty acids are wonderful for pre-conception health. Taking supplements – like ours Of and Hers fertility supplements – provide essential vitamins and nutrients for reproductive health. Taking steps to improve your health is always a good idea, but doing it in solidarity with your partner to conceive is twice as cool.
Don’t make promises you can’t keep
It’s normal to want to do and say whatever you can to make your partner feel better during difficult times, but sharing positive platitudes like “I promise it will happen,” “It’s going to be okay,” or “We’ll get pregnant soon” , may end up doing more harm than good. The unfortunate reality it’s about 1 in 5 (19%) couples who can’t get pregnant after a year of trying, otherwise known as infertility. In addition, just over 1 in 4 (26%) of women in this group have difficulty getting pregnant or carrying their pregnancy to term (reduced fertility). Although we have made remarkable advances in reproductive health, nothing has been proven to be 100% effective, and many factors contribute to someone’s inability to get pregnant or carry a baby to term.
Research Options and Results
Participating in the research process is another one of those quiet ways to show support to your spouse throughout your fertility journey. Take the time to learn about diagnostic tests and treatment options for both men and women. Read blogs, join social media groups, look for success stories to boost morale, and look for ways to finance your options if your health care doesn’t cover recommended treatments. Read about common medications and their possible side effects. Knowledge is a wonderful thing, the more you read and understand, the more you can prepare and easily navigate what comes next.
Prepare for the inevitable questions
It’s hard when someone’s heart is in the right place, but their message is lackluster. During such an emotionally charged time as trying to conceive, it’s easy to get overwhelmed with questions and comments about your pregnancy status. Being on the same page about how to answer these inevitable questions is a good way to keep a united front throughout your fertility journey. Talk to your spouse about how you would like to handle these situations and come up with some simple answers that explain where you stand, but don’t necessarily encourage further discussion of the topic. For example:
- You know, this is a really personal question that you shouldn’t ask anyone. Some people struggle to get pregnant and questions like these could really make them feel bad about their situation.
- Honestly, I can’t tell you when. Getting pregnant isn’t as easy for some as it is for others, so be patient a little longer.
- Having a child is one of the most important decisions in life, and making this decision takes a lot of time and thought. I can’t give you a simple answer to such a huge life changing event.
Although infertility and IVF treatments can put a strain on your relationship, many couples report that their relationship is strengthened as a result of infertility. Ultimately, how you choose to support your husband will depend 100% on what suits his needs and personality. Both men and women struggle with infertility and being the emotional support person is not a gender specific role. In fact, you may find that this role is reversed again and again throughout your fertility journey.
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