My abortion journey began early in the 2020 COVID-19 pandemic and was marked by four pregnancies that I decided to terminate.
As we wait for the Supreme Court to decide the fate of mifepristone, I think about how access to medical abortion has been instrumental in expanding reproductive health care options for countless people like me. Restrictions on mifepristone not only jeopardize our ability to get the types of abortions we want and need, but also perpetuate barriers to access to health care, particularly for marginalized communities.
I discovered my first pregnancy in March 2020 as a 19-year-old sophomore in college in Ohio. I was determined to have an abortion, but bureaucratic hurdles like navigating a maze of waiting periods and closing clinics thwarted my efforts. But with the support of the Ohio Abortion Fund and a “just in case” appointment at a local independent clinic, I had the abortion I wanted.
The following year, with the landscape of abortion rights being reset by Texas SB 8, I discovered I was pregnant in California, a seemingly more supportive environment for reproductive rights. Armed with the reassurance of a fellow abortion storyteller and doula, as well as my supportive partner, I thought the abortion would be smoother.
But at the clinic, I received a frosty reception from the staff, their demeanor reflecting the sterile environment. Stripped of the comfort of familiar faces due to pandemic restrictions and social distancing measures, I felt lonely, exacerbated by the impersonal nature of my surroundings.
As I had an ultrasound, the technician’s troubled expression hinted at unforeseen complications. My heart was racing as the doctor delivered the news: The fetus was not visible, raising concerns about a possible ectopic pregnancy. I was told to come back in a week, and hopefully by then, the fetus would be visible. Over the next week, I faced the uncertainty of my situation, fully aware of the risks of a possible ectopic pregnancy. My experience underscored the vital importance of timely access to abortion care, regardless of the circumstances. Although subsequent tests showed that I was not experiencing an ectopic pregnancy, the ordeal was a reminder of the essential nature of abortion care, particularly in moments of uncertainty and vulnerability.
This experience embodies the complexity and urgency of reproductive justice and underscores the need for unrestricted access to care. It has strengthened my commitment to advocacy and storytelling as I work to break down barriers and amplify the voices of those facing similar challenges, while also shedding light on the profound impact of pandemic-induced isolation on the abortion experience.
My experience with self-administered abortion via the pill was a deeply personal and empowering journey that allowed me to make the best decision for my body and my future on my own terms.
The discovery of my third pregnancy came as unexpectedly as the first of two. As news of the leaked Supreme Court opinion draft Dobbs v. Jackson Women’s Health Organization made the rounds, threatened to further curtail abortion rights and access across the nation, and I found myself struggling with a decision that grew more fraught with each passing day.
Scheduling mishaps conspired to prolong the wait for the abortion and added to my anxiety. Inpatient procedures were only available once a week, adding layers of logistical complexity to an already emotionally charged situation. At the clinic I prepared myself for the unfamiliar rituals of pre-procedure preparation as this was my first time having an abortion inside the clinic. Lying sedated, the procedure itself unfolded in a murky sterile environment and clinical efficiency. After the procedure, I experienced a profound sense of dissonance as the grim reality of reproductive injustice collided with the rhetoric of choice and autonomy.
However, it was my fourth and most recent abortion – self-administered with medication – that was in stark contrast to my previous experiences. Empowered by my work as an abortion advocate and doula, I embraced the autonomy of managing my care at home. Supported by my partner and armed with information, I navigated the process with confidence, free of the bureaucratic burdens that had marred previous experiences. My partner was by my side as I transformed my office space into a haven of compassionate care.
As the evening wore on, the television lit up the room, casting a soft glow that belied the gravity of the moment as I went through the pregnancy. The room was infused with the aroma of my favorite perfume: nag champa incense. With the distant chatter of Love Is Blind distracting, I found comfort in knowing that this time, I had made the decision to safely manage my abortion and the power was solely in my hands.
As I reflect on these journeys, the safety and efficacy of self-administered abortion emerge as a beacon of hope amid increasing legislative restrictions. My experience with self-administered abortion via the pill was a deeply personal and empowering journey that allowed me to make the best decision for my body and my future on my own terms. Everyone should be able to have this kind of access if they choose.
