When our kids start school and start making friends, we sometimes find ourselves developing relationships with their friends’ parents. But here’s the thing: We may not want to be around these people. If our kids are friends, should we be friends with their parents too? No. And we don’t have to feel guilty about it.
It can be great if our kids’ friends have parents we enjoy being around and become fast friends with, but that’s not always the case. We may be trying to force a strange friendship out of an obligation to our children. Chances are, if we’re feeling weird about it, other parents probably are too. So it’s best to keep things light and not try to become BFFs with people just because our kids like each other.
How can we send our children to the home of a stranger we know nothing about? Well, we don’t do that. Getting to know people and building trust is different than calling them up and planning a weekend getaway together. But if we know enough about the family and know that our children will be safe with them, it is okay to let them build a friendship, even the best friendship, with someone whose parent is not our best friend.
My best friend’s mom was not friends with mine
I can remember when I was a kid, my best friend in the whole world – still my best friend today – was at my house all the time and I spent a lot of time at hers. But our parents weren’t great friends. Yes, they were acquaintances and knew each other well enough to allow us to spend days at each other’s houses, but it didn’t go beyond that.
Our moms knew that other moms took care of us, and that was all that mattered to them. I felt loved by my best friend’s mother. I told her all kinds of secrets, and she helped me with my homework and made my favorite dinner when I was at her house. She was an important part of my growing up, apart from my mother. My best friend had a very similar life to my mother and to this day, they can spend hours talking even if they haven’t seen each other in years. Our relationships with each other and with our mothers are beautiful and unique, even though they don’t intersect with older adults.
I’m not interested in making new friends anymore
As my kids get older, I’m not interested in building friendships with new people. At 40, I have many close friends and acquaintances are all I need. This was more difficult with my youngest child. She’s in a class with a lot of first-time moms who want to be social with happy hours and girls’ weekends. That’s all good, but I’m not at that stage anymore. I have kids in high school. There is not enough time for all this. But they are the moms of my daughter’s friends, so I’m warm and kind, but that’s about as far as it goes.
It’s not that I don’t like these people. I just don’t share their ideas of a good time. I am not judging or refuting their behavior. I just don’t like going out with the girls and being away from my family, so I don’t.
Social media can tell us who someone is
Nowadays, thanks to social media, getting to know people without talking to them is much easier. It might sound creepy, but if you’re friends with or follow people on social media, you can learn a lot about what you need to know before deciding whether to encourage your child to become close friends with another child. No, you shouldn’t judge a book by its cover, but the photos and videos people post online can give a lot of insight into their lives and might give you a reason to talk to them, ask them some questions and learn more about them.
Try not to take it personally if your kids friend’s parents don’t want to be your friend. They may not feel great, but their parents may have these same kinds of feelings. Their cup may already be too full and adding more friends is not in the cards right now. That’s okay too.
Above all else, even if you aren’t best friends with the parents of your kids’ friends, make sure you still encourage them to cultivate these meaningful relationships. You may not want new best friends, but it is very important to teach your child that it is important to treat their friends’ parents with respect and to have good manners.
No matter what, always know where your children are, who they are with and that they are safe. Even if the parents are not your best friends, as long as they are responsible, caring adults and your children are friends, it is okay to be friends.
