By Barbara Pierce
Would you like to meet that woman who works in your building, or the one you see when you stop for coffee, or maybe the one who walks her dog by your house.
To get to know her better, you should talk to her. Starting a conversation with a stranger is not easy. She may be just as nervous about it as you are.
Here are some tips to get you on the right track:
• Look for positive signals: You don’t want to approach any women — you have to look for signals. Sometimes these signals are obvious. If he looks directly at you and smiles or says something to you – these are extremely positive signs. Signals that she may not welcome your approach: if she seems angry, upset or preoccupied, or has closed body language.
Keep your body language open, communicate to your body that you are approachable. Arms or legs crossed in front of your body say “stay away.” Make eye contact, smile. See how he answers. Eye contact and body language are vital when it comes to talking to women. They usually tell you more about how they feel than words.
As you approach her and make eye contact with her, make sure she makes eye contact with you. If she doesn’t, don’t bother starting a conversation with her. He’s not interested in you. But don’t take it personally, you’re just not the right person for her or it’s not the right time for her. Save yourself.
• Keep it simple: Go up to her and say, “Hi! What are you doing?” Say anything to break the ice. sometimes the simplest approaches are the best. It doesn’t matter what you say. You don’t have to be witty. It’s okay to be trite. The point is just to start a conversation.
Flattery is something we all like to hear. You could start by filling her in with something about herself or something she wears or carries.
Or ask a question about where you are, how it got there. Don’t ask a question that can only be answered with a yes or no. Instead, ask an open-ended question that requires more than a yes or no answer. Then reply with something about yourself and why you’re there.
• Be prepared to chat: If you get past the ice-breaking stage, you should be able to continue the conversation.
It helps to prepare ahead of time—find out last night’s sports scores, watch or listen to the news for interesting facts, and know local events. Or, prepare by having some interesting anecdotes and stories to tell. Or maybe something about the location where you meet.
While you’re at the location and waiting for it, make note of interesting characters or things around you. You may see someone with a strange outfit or hairstyle outside. If the conversation starts to lag a little, you can make a quick joke about something you see around you.
The benefit of being prepared increases the chances that your conversation will go well and reduces your level of nervousness because you go into the unknown conversation with a plan.
• Be confident or fake it: Obviously, this is easier said than done. You are nervous. Maybe you’re too nervous. Maybe you feel like you’re going to puke all over your shoes and look like a complete and utter idiot. This is completely normal. So even if you’re not confident, the key is to pretend you are. Pretend.
Most women prefer a man who appears confident. So put on a brave face, stick your chest out and pretend you believe in yourself. If you pretend enough, eventually you won’t pretend anymore.
• Seal the deal: If, after starting your conversation, you are still interested in getting to know her better, you should get her number or set up a time to meet.
I asked my male friends how they handle this situation.
Andy said: “Here’s how I handled it: I just said, ‘Hey, I like you. I would like to get to know you better. Are you interested?’ This worked very well for me. No need for games or beating around the bush.”
Scott agreed, “Exactly. It’s not desperate or stuck. Just say “I’d like to get to know you better. Do you want to meet for lunch sometime?’
If you follow these tips, chances are that when you ask her out, she’ll say yes. A survey showed that most women knew within minutes of first meeting a man that they wanted to date him. He knows right away. All you have to do is ask!
Barbara Pierce is a retired licensed clinical social worker with many years of experience helping people. If you would like to purchase a copy of her book, When You Come to the Edge: Aging, or have questions for her, please contact her at barbarapierce06@yahoo.com.
