For a long time we have not been able to pay attention to problems that boys and men face. In his pioneering book, Of boys and men: Why the modern man struggles, because it matters and what to do for it, Richard V. Reeves says,
“I have been worried about boys and men for 25 years, coming with the territory when you are uploading three boys, it has become clear to me that there are growing numbers of boys and men struggling at school, work and family, which I had killed for three boys and young men now.
The good news is that things change quickly. When I started Menalive in 1972, there were few programs focused on the health of boys and men. Now there are many. Reeves’s book was published in 2022. He continued to become the founding director of the Institute for boys and men and influenced his work Nyu Professor Scott Galloway. Lately we have been seeing more and more attention focused on men.
However, for those who have studied the well -being of boys and men for many years, there are serious new problems that we need to face. Founded by Gary Barker in 2011 as Promundo Us, Equimundo works to achieve gender equality and social justice by transforming the patterns of damage between generations and promote care, empathy and accountability between boys and men throughout their life.
Equimundo recently published their latest study“The state of American men 2025”. Recent interview by Gary Barker and You can watch the full interview here.
Some of the important findings of the study we discussed by Gary and I include:
- Financial stress is at the forefront of men’s concerns.
The stress about not being able to secure themselves and the future of their families is linked to the lack of purpose, the highest suicidal ideation and the feelings of being an inadequate caregiver.
- Being a provider is the key feature of male age today.
Although men and women recognize the importance of expanding their roles to include care and other activities, the role of the provider is still considered primary. Men who cannot fulfill this role often feel that they are failures.
- Men are isolated, they feel that no one cares about them and are pessimistic about their romantic perspectives.
Men and women do not have a social connection and feel unworthy of love. For men this is particularly acid. Many males feel inadequate with females and believe that things are stacked against them. Difficulty producing and maintaining close relationships affects all aspects of a person’s life.
- The pressure to be a provider and economic stress is aggravated by the involvement of men in the social media.
Expenditure more time online often perpetuates men compared to the perceived ideals. Young men (and women) find that social media add to their feelings of deficiency.
- Many men are afraid that they will call or be canceled.
Men are experiencing enormous anxiety that they will be called, which is likely to feed their reaction against diversity and equality.
- Economic concerns are strongly linked to suicidal ideation.
Men facing financial instability are 16.3 times more likely to have suicidal thoughts in the last two weeks.
Close and personally: these findings are cut very close to the house
When I was five years old, my father in the middle life took over dose of hypnotic pills. He had become increasingly irritable, angry and depressed because he could not support his family to do the work he loved. Although he did not die, he was hospitalized at Camarillo State Moold Hospital, north of our home in Los Angeles.
I went with my uncle every Sunday to visit my father, accused by my mother,
“Help your father. You need you. ”
But my 5 -year -old’s efforts to save my father did not work and it continued to get worse.
I didn’t understand what happened to my dad, but I was terrified that what happened to him would happen to me someday. I have spent my life doing everything I could to understand the roots of male violence, especially because it turns inward, for men who want to end their suffering, ending their lives.
After writing fourteen books on men’s health, I finally addressed the issues that led me for so long. In my fifteenth book, My distant dad: treatment of family father’s injuryI shared the magazines I found as an adult that started pulling the curtain of confusion I had lived with all my life.
Years after preventing my father from the hospital hospital where he had been locked, I found the magazines he had written before his final act of despair. Every time I read them, I feel closer to my dad, two men, the father and the son, who are struggling to be good men and support their families. I also feel deep sadness as I see him slipping closer to the edge of despair. In his latest magazine, I found these entries:
July 3, 1948:
“Oh Christ, if I can only give my son a decent education-a college degree with love for books, love for people, good, stable knowledge.
July 24, 1948:
«Edie Dear, Johnny Dear, [my birth name before I changed it to Jed] I love you so much but how can I support you bread? The seed of despair is part of my heritage. It has been sterile for months and then gnaws to his bitter fruits drowns my throat and swell inside me like a big throttle that tanks the room for hopes, dreams, joy and life itself. “
August 8, 1948:
“On Sunday morning, my humanity left, my comedy sense has fallen under the sewage.
December 8, 1948:
“Your flesh drags on, your scalp when you look around and see good writers, established writers, authors of a long bloc, unable to sell, unable to find a job, yes, it is enough to make anyone to make anyone.
February 24, 1949:
“Faster, faster. Faster. Faster. I walk. I connect away looking for a job, anything to support my family. I try. Try, try, try, try always try to never stop.”
June 12, 1949:
“The Middle Ages, I stand and look forward, numb, confused and desperately worried. So stagnant, that I hold my breath in fear, believing that the dark, empty curtain is going to go down.”
Like so many men I worked with, including me, men tend to blame themselves when we are unable to fulfill our role as “breadwinner”. We do not recognize the largest economic trends that limit us or the “man box” created by the system that holds so many of us isolated.
Much has changed since my father was hospitalized. Many things have improved, but there are new challenges faced by men who were not present when my father was facing his inner demons. I bring both his hopes and his dreams and the burden of his despair. I am blessed to have fulfilled his dreams of a good education and support for family, friends and colleagues. However, we have to do a lot. I hope you join us.
You can read the full study from Equimundo here:
You can read my interview with Gary Barker here:
You can register for my weekly newsletter with my latest articles here:
You can read about my father’s journey and my therapeutic here:
