I’ve been a very sensitive person all my life, but I never knew it was “a thing” until I read Dr. Elaine Aaron, The Highly Sensitive Person: How to thrive when the world overwhelms youfirst published in 1996. In the book he asked:
- Do you have a vivid imagination and vivid dreams?
- Is alone time every day as essential to you as food and water?
- Are you known for your empathy?
- Your conscientiousness?
- Are you quickly overwhelmed by noise and confusion?
- If your answers are yes, you may be a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP).
I remember feeling a shiver of delight when I first read those words. He nailed me! Finally, I thought, someone who understands what life is like for me and who can help me accept and appreciate who I am.
For over fifty years I have worked in the emerging field of Gender Specific Therapy and Men’s Health and have written seventeen books on various aspects of men’s mental, emotional and relational health. In 2022 I heard about a movie being made called “Sensitive Men Rising” directed by Will Harper.
I was totally excited and wanted to know when the movie will be available. He explained that there was much more to be done, money to be raised, music to be licensed, etc. “It will take some time,” he told me. As we exchanged emails and he learned more about my work, he asked if he could interview me for the film. I felt honored and immediately accepted.
THE the movie is now available herewith this note from Will:
I am a sensitive sensory processing person.
I made this film out of necessity.
I made this film for men.
I made it for boys.
I made it for everyone.
Will Harper-The Sensitive Director
December 31, 2024
In June 2024 I wrote an article about the film for my weekly newsletter and shared more about the people I had met since learning about the film. The article titled “Sensitive Men Rising: Why the World Needs Us Now More Than Ever” can be read here.
In the article I said,
“A new documentary film, Sensitive Men Rising (SMR), turns its lens on the billions of men who have been largely hidden in the shadows. Thanks to the discovery of what we now know as ‘sensory processing sensitivity’ (SPS) — popularly known as ‘high sensitivity’ — we know that men can act a decisive role in changing the face and the world.”
I quoted Dr. Aron who said:
“As some of you know, I have a special place in my heart for highly sensitive men. I really like them. That’s why I want to see this movie made about them. But what makes them different from other HSPs or other men?”
Just as her research findings have shown that “high sensitivity” is a biologically based trait that exists not only in humans but also in other species, she recognizes that “male sensitivity” also has biological roots.
“First, highly sensitive males (HSMs) develop under the influence of male genes, with testosterone as the main factor. Across the gender spectrum, almost all HSMs (and men in general) are clearly biologically male.”
Dr. Aron goes on to say that these issues are complex and we will learn more over time, but there are things we can say now.
“Of course, male and female behavior is such that many men do some things that women usually do, and vice versa, but hormones must make HSMs and HSWs different somehow. How do hormones interact with sensitivity? We don’t know yet, but they certainly do, and we need to find out. Maybe that’s the second phase of research.”
Dr. Aron also recognizes the importance of understanding evolutionary reality as we try to work with this important, biologically based trait.
“Looking back at the evolution of male behavior, we know that the sensitivity works enough to be present in 20 or even 30% of the population and in equal numbers in men and women. This means that HSMs have managed to reproduce, but how?”
He goes on to say,
“When you know you’re highly sensitive, you reframe your life. Knowing that you have this trait will allow you to make better decisions.
Early in life, I always felt that my sensitivity made me different from most of my male peers. Now, as a father of five, grandfather of seventeen, and great-grandfather of four, I realize that I belong to a select group of men who have a greater interest in life.
Based on her own research and that of others, she suggests looking at the unique ways men engage with their children.
“We know that human males evolved a strategy found in some birds and some other mammals, of staying after mating to help raise their own young. This method of seeing their DNA go to the next generation contrasts sharply with simply mating as often as possible with as many females as possible and not after mating.”
If we weren’t particularly sensitive before we had kids, being a busy dad will definitely get the best of us.
“Bottom line,” says Dr. Aron, “highly sensitive men have style.”
Dr. Aron gives us a simple acronym to summarize how this unique trait of Hypersensitivity manifests in men.
- S for strategicor the depth of processing in action, since males must act and watch other males, especially the more aggressive ones.
- T for testosterone — you can’t explain away an HSM by thinking it’s more “feminine”.
- Y for wise retreat — to live to fight (better) another day and in another way, and retreating as in “high yield” investments. (Giving back can be mistaken for weakness, but it’s not at all – as when in martial arts, especially judo [or Aikido, a martial art I have practiced over the years]you use the other’s attack to defeat them almost effortlessly while conserving your own mental and physical energy.)
- L for leadership — either among people or becoming leaders in their fields, in the arts, science, business, sports, or whatever field they strive for, using their unique style.
- E for empathywhich can be used in close relationships and leadership, but also in knowing, for strategic purposes, what others are doing, sometimes even before they know it.
High sensation seeker, very sensitive
In the same way I felt a hidden part of my being as a human revealed when I first read Elaine Aron’s book, The highly sensitive person, I deepened my sense of self when I read Tracy M. Cooper’s book, Thrill: The sensation seeking highly sensitive person.
“Sensation seeking is a personality trait that includes four main aspects,” says Dr. Cooper.
- Thrill and adventure seeking.
- Search for experience and innovation.
- Disinsection.
- Boredom sensitivity.
The more I learned, the more I realized, Yes, me too!
Dr. Cooper told me that High Sensing, High Sensitivity (HSS/HSP) people are often left out in understanding the gifts and challenges we face.
“Since we are half the HSP population, it is vital that we are included,” he told me.
You can learn more about Dr. Cooper’s work here.
Welcome to Sensitive Man, The Site for Highly Sensitive Men
William Allen is another “very sensitive man,” a friend and colleague. He is also the author of the book, On Being a Sensitive Man: Success Strategies for Harnessing Your Highly Sensitive Nature. Dr Tracy Cooper wrote the Foreword for the book and Dr Elaine Aron said:
“William Allen is an important voice for highly sensitive men, tirelessly advocating for the need to redefine masculinity in a way that includes the enormous contributions of highly sensitive men to the world.”
His site offers articles, courses, podcasts, men’s groups, and a community of open-minded and like-minded truth seekers.
You can learn more about William Allen here:
Sensitive Men Rising: The Peaceful Warriors We Need in the World Today
Some of the truly sensitive men I have admired in my life include;
- The Dalai Lama
- Mahatma Gandhi
- Martin Luther King Jr.
- Abraham Lincoln
- Psychologists Abraham Maslow, Carl Rogers and psychiatrist John Bowlby.
These are all highly sensitive men who have also had to resist oppression with the strength of peaceful warriors. A man who also fits this description is the meditation master Chögyam Trungpa. In my book, The Warrior’s Journey Home: Healing Men, Healing the Planet, I quote Trungpa who says,
“Warrior does not refer to making war on others. Aggression is the source of our problems, not the solution. Here the word ‘warrior’ comes from the Tibetan, pawo, which literally means ‘one who is brave’. Warrior in this context is the tradition of human bravery or the tradition of fearlessness. Warriorship is not being afraid of who you are.”
Where do we go from here?
We are at a time in human history where Highly Sensitive Men are needed now more than ever. Mark Jamison, Head of Global Clients, VISA, Inc., one of the experts featured in the film Sensitive Men Risingsays,
“The world is falling apart, political division is pulling us down, the environment is being destroyed. We need a different model. When people see options that bring hope and sensitivity and a much more integrated approach to problem solving, I see them embracing it with open arms.”
At the end of the film, Dr. Elaine Aron concludes:
“Most of the world’s suffering is due to a certain kind of masculinity. A different kind can change that. Sensitive men are on the rise. It’s a whole new ball game.”
Let me know how this resonates with you. I always love hearing from readers. You can visit me at www.MenAlive.com.
