“I can’t do it mom!” When my kid was little, he used that phrase. . . very. Our tiny humans struggle with learning (and perfecting) many new tasks. However, they don’t always know how to persevere because they lack the resilience and practical skills to dust themselves off and try again. Does your child also give up on new or difficult tasks too easily instead of sticking with them? While this is normal, it is also important to consider how we can raise our little ones to persevere and persevere to improve their overall well-being and future outcomes. In this article, we’ll explore what persistence vs. persistence means, discuss potential barriers to persistence for toddlers, and share examples of persistence activities for kids.
As I mentioned, things can get very difficult for our little ones. They are constantly learning and growing, which means they also face challenges — new or difficult tasks that must be practiced again (and again!) until they can do them easily. Being able to keep going, trying and overcoming obstacles is called perseverance.1 It plays an important role in the development and future success of our children.
It is also important to understand the difference between “persist” and “persist” as these are closely related ideas. Perseverance is being able to stick to your goals, no matter what. It doesn’t matter if things get tough. if you stick with it, you’re good at sticking with it for a long time.1 Meanwhile, persistence is about holding on to something, showing constant effort and not giving up too easily.2 These things sound similar, but perseverance is more about long-term efforts (marathon) and perseverance is about being strong day in and day out (sprint).
Let’s be honest – in life, sometimes there can only be one winner. Or we have to practice and stick with something before we get good at it. Although we never want our children to be disappointed, experience the sting of failure, or feel sad, at some point they will experience these feelings or situations. This means they have to learn how to persevere, keep going, dust themselves off and try again.
Learning how to persevere can support our children’s development and well-being in many ways:1,2,3
- Improved resilience and mental well-being: Being able to persevere helps children cope with stressful events and adversity. This builds resilience (their ability to bounce back from challenges), which supports overall mental well-being.
- Improved confidence and self-esteem: Children see that they are capable, learn how to solve problems and improve their skills. All these things help to improve their confidence and self-esteem.
- Innovation: Children who can persist become creative, as they are able to explore new ideas or find innovative ways to solve problems.
- Better long-term results: Our achievements most often come after a lot of hard work and perseverance. Thus, when children learn how to persevere, they are more likely to experience success and achievement in the future (for example, in education or finances). They can see the big game, keep pushing to achieve their goal, and navigate around obstacles or challenges.
Persistence comes with time, exposure and many opportunities to practice. However, our toddlers may not be naturally inclined to persist. Here’s why:5,6
It’s normal for our little ones to worry about making mistakes or letting people down. Make sure you’re reinforcing their efforts, not the outcome. For example, you could say, “I can see you’re trying so hard!” instead of “Well done, you won!” You want to show that their efforts are the important thing.
Toddlers learn a lot and there are many things they don’t know how to do yet. At times, they may experience low self-esteem and give up more easily if they struggle with a particular task for a while or face many new challenges. In these moments, you can offer them a hug and encouragement. Remind them that it’s okay to not be perfect. It’s normal to need practice and persistence at a task before you get it right.
Overprotective parents who intrude or don’t allow their children opportunities to test their limits may inadvertently stunt the development of assertiveness. I know it’s hard, but unless there’s danger or it’s critical to intervene, try to schedule enough time to let your child do things on their own. Start small and let them explore small risks, like climbing something themselves. Or put down a clean mat before letting them try to feed. Also, practice handling your own emotions if you feel anxious or worried about them taking small risks.
Toddlers are known for their impatience and distractibility. Persistence and maintaining attention or focus can naturally be a struggle for them. This is where activities that help them learn how to delay gratification or be patient are helpful.
As a parent, teaching our children how to persevere requires us to support, encourage and nurture our little ones. We need to help them embrace and persevere through challenges and develop a mindset that sees problems as opportunities rather than setbacks. To help children learn about persistence, you can support them in a number of ways, such as:
Research shows that when parents share their problem-solving skills, show how they overcome adversity, or use specific language to talk about challenges (“devastated” vs. “upbeat”), it can affect how children they face their own challenges. Essentially, when your child sees you persist, they are more likely to persist as well.4
“What?!” I hear you exclaim. Show understanding! I know it’s very tempting to try to fix things for our children or protect them from the agony of failure. But if we rush and solve things for them, they don’t get a chance to practice, improve or problem solve. They also won’t learn to tolerate the uncomfortable feelings that can sometimes arise when we face challenges.
Give them time and try not to rush them. Otherwise, you’ll probably both be disappointed. If you know they are struggling with a task or tackling something new, be sure to give yourself plenty of time to allow for mistakes or omissions.
Don’t rush into solutions! Your child won’t learn about their own strengths or abilities if you always give them the answer. I’m not saying don’t help; just give them a chance first or encourage them to come up with ideas/solutions before you offer yours.
You can teach your child how to solve problems by helping him break difficult tasks into smaller, more manageable pieces. Or help them identify what’s missing, what skills they need, or how to make plans to address their goal.
Focus on your child’s efforts or persistence when he sticks to a problem and doesn’t give up. For example, instead of saying, “Well done, you won the match!” you could say, “Wow, you’ve worked so hard in training and your persistence has really paid off.”
To help your child further understand this concept, try doing some activities with a long-term goal. Essentially, this means anything that involves multiple steps before they achieve the reward. Children’s activities for persistence could include things like:
- Following a recipe
- Doing a puzzle
- Reading a long book
- Completion of craft activity
- Growing flowers
- Creating an edible garden (with vegetables and herbs that grow quickly so you don’t have to wait too long)
- Build models or complete Lego kits
- Playing hide and seek
- Learning to play an instrument or a short piece of music (“Twinkle Twinkle Little Star” or “Hot Cross Buns, for example) on something as simple as a children’s xylophone
Although it may not come naturally to them, persistence is important to toddlers. It is a vital skill that will help them set and achieve goals, face life’s challenges and overcome obstacles. This persistence lays the foundation for your child’s future and success and supports their overall life skills.
