As told to Jacquelyne Froeber and Noelys Mendez
It’s August 14th National Financial Awareness Day.
I grew up in rural Cuba in a traditional Cuban household.
My father was the family provider. He worked—a lot—on the small farm we had and took care of all our finances. My mother also worked incredibly hard making sure we had everything we needed. She took the money my father gave her and magically tracked down food, cleaning supplies, clothes, etc. which was a full time job considering where we lived.
Life was slow moving in our small town, but when I turned 19, I fell in love and things started moving really fast. I went from my family home to married life and got pregnant soon after marriage. Two months after I turned 20, I gave birth to a baby girl. I fell in love with her the moment I saw her and knew I would do anything to protect her and keep her happy.
Unfortunately, I was not happy in my marriage. I wanted to keep our family dream alive, but we weren’t right for each other and we broke up just two years after the wedding.
I was devastated, but deep down I knew it was the right thing to do. I knew we could both be happier than we were.
However, it surprised me how happy I could actually be. I met the love of my life about two years after the divorce. We had an instant connection and I knew he was my person.
Damian was handsome, thoughtful and kind. Most importantly, he treated my daughter like his own.
We naturally moved into our familiar, traditional roles. He was the provider and we never talked about bills or finances before or after the wedding. But when I got pregnant, we started talking about moving to the United States. Cuba has its financial limitations and we wanted our girls to have more opportunities and freedom to do whatever they wanted.
Osleidy and her daughter and husband Damian in Cuba, 2008
In 2010, we were able to make our dream come true and moved to Florida. Damian got a full time job as an auto mechanic and I stayed home with the kids.
Damian continued to take care of all the bills, the house and the cars. Everything was in his name.
Like my mother, I did all the shopping with money she gave me. When I used a credit card, it paid the bill.
Money wasn’t tight, but I never took it for granted. Damian worked a lot — sometimes nights and weekends. I felt like it was my job to save money, so finding the best deals and deals became my superpower. I never wanted him to think I would take advantage of his incredibly hard work.
We had 12 amazing years in the US before he was diagnosed with liver cancer in 2022. The news was an absolute shock. I told the doctor it must be wrong. He was only 41! “Too young for cancer,” I insisted. Also, we had plans. We had a wonderful life. We had two beautiful girls and places to go and things to do.
But he didn’t care about cancer.
The disease was relentless and cruel. For months, Damian was bedridden at home, unable to work. I came in as a full-time nurse and quit my part-time job. There was always hope that maybe things would turn around and miraculously get better. But that didn’t happen. And without a steady income, we quickly ran out of money.
I was in caregiving mode so I pushed away the looming financial problems. Then one day, out of the blue, it hit me. Damian wasn’t going to get better. Everything was on me now. My mother and youngest daughter lived with us. I was responsible for keeping a roof over our heads. How the hell was I going to do that?
A flood of panic washed over my body and I gasped for air. It was all too much. “I can’t do this,” I whispered out loud. I was grieving. I was exhausted. I didn’t have the strength to push forward. I didn’t even know where to start.
But I knew who to ask. My oldest daughter was 25 and although she is married, she is in an equal marriage where she and her husband shared the bills and ownership of their property.
I didn’t want to tell her I needed help, but I had no choice. I had to step up and learn to do things for myself. For our family.
Osleidy with her mother and two daughters, 2024
With the help of my daughter, we made a plan. The first thing I did was get every bill and a notebook. I added up all the expenses to see how much money comes out per month. I transferred all bills to my name and credit cards. I also had to take a look at my lifestyle. Since my husband had a well-paying job, I had to be realistic that when I did get a job, I wouldn’t be bringing in as much money as him (but I hope one day!).
After Damian left, I took some time to grieve and then started working full-time at a parts assembly plant. There were times when I thought I couldn’t do it. I was 45 and entering the workforce in a new career, but I am so proud of myself and the strength we women have, our ability to reinvent ourselves for our family after facing adversity of life.
I still have hard days where I struggle to even get out of bed, or all I can do is think about Damian and the long life we thought we had left. But then I remember my daughters, my mom, and my strength. And I remember that no matter how dark the road seems to us, with effort and struggle, women become stronger and more independent every day.
