We’ve all been there – splitting a dinner bill, covering a mate’s coffee or sending a quick transfer for concert tickets. It is part of modern social life. As money becomes increasingly digital and instant, we no longer have to worry about doing math in our heads or the hassle of changing notes and coins.
Now, we have an app for that. However, the way we exchange money is changing more than our bank balances. It reshapes trust, communication, and even friendship dynamics.
We often don’t think about it, but money does an emotional burden. We experience what psychologists call pain of paymenta negative emotional response to parting with money. It’s not just large sums of money that feel uncomfortable or stressful – paying always has some negative feeling.
So, the next time we’re about to split the bill, what’s the best way to approach it? Just because we can ask for money with an app doesn’t mean it’s good for our friendships – sometimes there are better ways to do it.
Money is the last taboo
Money is also one of them slightly taboo subjectssuch as religion or politics. When money is involved, we often prefer to change the subject, even with our partners.
While “I’ll pick you up next time” may seem harmless, new payment technologies like PayID, Tap and Go and instant transfers mean there’s less excuse for delay and more potential for tension when people don’t pay. A quick transfer request can be efficient and convenient for an individual, but uncomfortable and impersonal to another.
When we ask for payment, we change social dynamics. A whole mix of psychological reactions and insecurities come into play.
These reactions can also damage the image we want to project to others. If we see ourselves as generous and caring, maybe not be comfortable requesting payment for this coffee.
Carefree IOUs between friends they often exist in a gray area – too small to make a fuss about, but important enough to stick in our minds.
When we don’t mind shouting
Taking turns paying when we go out for dinner or coffee is more likely to make us happier since we don’t mind paying for those closest to us. Spending money on experiences with others in reality increases our happinessmaking us feel good about giving them a little treat or gift.
However, for someone we are not close with, not splitting the bill can cause problems.
Reciprocity, the expectation of getting something in return, can be coded as a type of debt. So I get paid having social debtthey may feel uncomfortable. On the other hand, some people will feel unfairly taken advantage of when there is no reciprocity.
Negley Stockman/Unsplash
THE fear of judgment it can sometimes prevent people from being honest about financial struggles, even with a close friend. A recent research revealed that a third of people lied about being better off financially than they really were to protect their social status.
The same survey found that this can affect relationships, with a third of people admitting they had ended a relationship over money. In addition, nearly seven in ten people said they had opted out of a social gathering because they were worried it was too expensive. Of these, four out of ten did not tell the real reason.
There may be a social cost
Social etiquette around money has struggled to keep up with technology.
It can they look pretty sharp to text a close friend via an app like Beem (Australia’s equivalent of Venmo) or even text to ask to be returned.
PayID allowed us to send money to registered mobile numbers from 2018removing the barriers of exchanging BSBs and account numbers.
While it’s faster and easier than ever to transfer money, it’s the social barrier, not the admin barrier, that’s really holding us back.
How to approach the bill
Ultimately, how we handle these exchanges, whether by politely reminding a friend or leaving it alone, can reveal a lot about our social comfort zones. The closer the friendship, the more likely we are to ask in person or simply let it go.
It may help to briefly mention the money upfront, for example, “Do you mind if we split it?” This is socially easier than a conversation after someone has paid or as you both go to pay. It’s natural to pay half the bill at a restaurant, but it can feel uncomfortable either deliver cash later or transfer money to a friend.
If we think of these exchanges as an investmentinstead of debt, we feel better for them.
So the next time you’re stressed about asking for a refund, think of it as an investment in a friendship or connection. This is more likely to help you enjoy the experience and your friendship as well.
