As we head into 2025, do you want to know all about a fast-growing sex trend? Celibacy.
That’s right: researchers asked New Yorkers about their interest in celibacy (which rose 433% in the last year), Angelenos (up 350%), and Londoners (up 235%)*. Suffice it to say – it’s a thing.
Why celibacy? Perhaps more of us are reevaluating our relationship with sex. Perhaps we are at a sexual impasse with our partners and want to create intense tension. Maybe we want sex worth havingand the day off gives us space to think about what that looks and feels like.
We are breaking this issue down in my subscription SmartSXand it’s very interesting to hear everyone’s feelings and success stories about a sex detox. So back by popular demand: here’s the full rundown on what it is and what the benefits are.
And! If you want a cool, smart sex community, you can ask about a sex detox or any other sex topic (and not be judged) – you know what to do.
What is sexual detox?
A period of time (usually ~30 days) during which you abstain from sexual activity.
People make their own parameters, but here are some behaviors that people choose not to do during their sexual detox.
- Companionship
- Solo sex/masturbation
- Watching porn
- Listening to audio erotica
- Sexting
Note that these are not required for a successful detox – you can pick and choose to your liking – but they are common for those who try it.
Sex detox benefits
Whether you’re partnered or not, there are many benefits to a sex detox. Here are a few to consider.
For people in a relationship –
Avoid sex with your partner
Sexual detox is not about punishment or avoidance. The point is to renew the sexual connection between you and your partner.
Even if your sex life is good, a little time off can restore the preciousness of your sexual relationship. You may be deeply in love with your partner and very attracted to them, but it’s still easy to fall into cruise control sex. A detox can make sex feel special again and make you both outside the usual standards.
Experiment with other forms of touch
When most touching is charged with sexual expectation, it can make the receiver feel funny. A sex detox can bring back touch and how to receive it – which could honestly be therapeutic for all parties.
For example. You’re not having sex, but you could give each other loving, soothing massages that are explicitly non-sexual. We all need stress relief, and massage helps release our body’s feel-good chemicals. Why not share the pleasure this way?
Without sexual obligation, you can learn what really turns you on
This can be a gray area for a sex detox, so – you.
But when you know you’re not going to have sex for a month, you have an awesome opportunity to study your fantasies. This can give each of you valuable information about your consistent love affairs and the way you want it touch during sexual intercourse.
To dig deeper into this and begin to explore your core love desires, go here. It will give you lots of instructions! We recommend writing down your discoveries as you explore your fantasies and activate.
For people who are single, dating or solo poly –
Disrupting negative dating patterns
We all have habits in the dating scene. Does it peel? Ghosts? Do you have sex before you really want to?
When you declare an intentional sexual detox, you can reflect on your recent dating experiences with more perspective. If you’re more interested in sex than a relationship – fine. (We recommend you just declare it up front.) But if you’re more interested in a relationship and see sex as vehicle in said relationship, a detox could help you slow down.
Getting to know someone gradually, allowing sexual tension (and trust and intimacy) to build, can be amazing. Sexual detox can give you a renewed mindset about your overall goal and a clearer picture of what you’re looking for in a partner.
Stretch out the getting-to-know-you phase
Related to the point above – delayed gratification is hot.
When we can’t have sex (with someone we like) right away, our mind fills in the blanks. We imagine what they will look like naked, we anticipate what everything will be like… it’s great.
What to say: can you do a sex detox and date? Yes! Again, we recommend stating your intentions in advance so that everyone is clear. But taking the time to get to know someone is its own reward, sexually.
Spend time on other things that satisfy you
Many of us confuse our self-esteem with sexual desire. And while this is very human, it can also slowly screw us up, because putting our value in the hands of others is forced.
So take a sex detox and create other parts of yourself by connecting things you like – and things that nourish you deeply. Time with friends. Making art. Implementation. By the end of the detox, you’ll be ready to date again with even happier energy.
How to do a sex detox
Here are some loose guidelines to help you plan your personal sexual detox.
Step 1: Decide on a time period. 30 days? 60 days? A week?
Step 2: Decide which sexual behaviors are off the menu (see above). Just sex? Or more?
Step 3: Write what you learn. Don’t skip this step! You will leave with good knowledge. The goal of a sex detox is to create a fresh, new relationship with sex itself, so this step is just as important as the first two.
How do you feel about a sex detox? Do you love or hate this idea? Come find us on Instagram @sexwithemily and let’s talk.
Want to learn more about a sex detox and how to get the most out of it? Ask me anytime on my membership platform, SmartSXsubmit your questions to Ask Emilyor subscribe to my newsletter and receive sex secrets regularly.
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