We all deserve great sex, and distracting thoughts keep us from enjoying it. Learn how to stop being distracted during sex so you can make the most of your “us” time!
Anytime you search the world wide web for “how to have better sex”, you’ll get loads of content suggesting you invest in sexy lingerie, curate a sexy playlist, or maybe eat chocolate covered strawberries in bed! All of these may promise to give you life in bed. But here’s a truth bomb: None of this will work if you’re facing internal challenges about your body, your gender, or your life. You will only be able to enjoy better intimacy if you can stop these mental distractions during sex.
Our experiences start in the brain and our sex life is no different. If your mind is filled with anxiety and insecurity, none of the physical intimacies can move you enough to a powerful orgasm. You’ll need to go the extra mile to stop that fragmented soundtrack in your brain from ruining your bedroom vibes. To have a better experience in bed, you need to understand how to stop being distracted during sex and shift your perspective to a new way of thinking.
How to stop negative thoughts during sex?
The truth is, our inner chatter can get in the way of experiencing pleasure. So the best way to break out of this chaotic loop and experience great sexual pleasure is to train your brain to stay present and aware of the moment. Here are some ways you can avoid distractions during sex:
1 Stay focused
A sexual act always involves two partners, and both partners must remain focused on the sexual act. Any kind of events before it, or any kind of events that are likely to happen after the act, can prevent concentration during the activity. Even if one of the partners is not focused, the purpose of sexual activity (to achieve orgasms) will not be fulfilled, says psychiatrist and sexologist Dr Sanjay Kumavat.
He suggests, “To make it successful, try to create an appropriate atmosphere in the room. Also, make sure that both partners are in a receptive and stress-free mood to initiate a sexual activity. You might also take some time to relax by doing deep breathing to calm your nervous system. Try to be one with your partner while having sex, keeping all your senses alive during sex. Also, once it’s over, try to stay away from distractions and keep a relaxing light on in the room.”
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2. Pay attention to patterns
If similar kinds of disturbing thoughts arise during sex, pay attention to this vicious cycle. They point to areas where you can work. For example, if it’s sexual performance anxiety, you can practice more foreplay to get comfortable and in the mood. If it’s a constant loop of anxiety about almost everything, it could be a sign of generalized anxiety disorder. Contact with a health professional may be helpful.
Read also: 10 Ways to Build Intimacy Without Indulging in Sex
3. Practice mindfulness
This probably isn’t the first time you’ve heard about the mental health benefits of mindfulness. Mindfulness is a practice to train your brain to stay grounded in the present moment, freeing yourself from all distractions. A wandering mind will definitely interfere with your sex life. That’s where the benefits of mindfulness come into play.
To prepare for a good night sex life with your partner, start practicing mindfulness during the day itself.
4. Communicate your feelings to your partner
Sometimes, voicing your inner chatter to your partner can prove to be very helpful. You may not enjoy the cliche way of having sex, and that’s normal for everyone. Try to talk to your partner about your needs and get to know his/her needs as well. You can also share your fears and doubts about sex with your partner. Communication is always better than bottling up your feelings and emotions and grieving alone.
5. Create time and space for sex
Mindfulness does wonders to keep your anxiety at bay while you’re about to engage in physical intimacy. However, if there are external distractions, such as a cluttered room or notifications popping up on your phone, you need to remove them to create a viable atmosphere for sex.
Simply put, make time and space to have sex by reducing distractions. Explore ways that create an atmosphere. Put on some good music or take a cold shower to stop the inner stress.
6. Work on your insecurities
If you are someone who struggles with insecurities, work on healing yourself so you can feel confident in yourself and your body. For example, if you have body image issues, work on developing a healthier relationship with your body and everyone around you. Likewise, if you have insecurities about sex, work on your relationship with your partner.
