Most of what I wrote here, I recently shared in my monthly memo with my crew – my subscribers. About once a month, I send a personal note about what I’m thinking and working on. This note got such a strong response that I thought it would be beneficial to share some of it on my blog as well.
It’s a matter of listening. Or rather, to be open to the idea that our minds are never really made up. Decisions, thoughts and ideas are not, in fact, concrete. We may also have different opinions from each other, which is fine – just because we may not agree, doesn’t mean we have to label each other.
What we believe today has not been destroyed. We may even discover that the root of our pain actually stems from thoughts and beliefs that do not serve us – so we must be open to evolution.
Something I’ve been thinking about a lot recently and have talked about in depth during my classes with Culinary Nutrition Expert Programit is confirmation bias. My goal in teaching this program it’s not about being the voice in everyone’s head. I never want anyone to do something because “Megan said so.” Instead, I challenge my students to ask critical questions and seek the answers and learn to trust their own wisdom and their own thinking.
Confirmation bias is the practice of seeking and favoring information that confirms our existing beliefs. It effectively blocks us from seeking, let alone assimilating, new information. We are more inclined to seek information that confirms what we already believe or supports our assumptions. We are looking evidence to confirm what we believe – this is easier and ensures that we are right. (I’ve talked about this before as it relates to creating magic in our lives.)
There are many ways in which this function of human nature is designed to be protective, but there are also times when it becomes self-limiting.
I read a really great book called You don’t listen, what are you missing and why does it matter by Kate Murphy. It makes me think a lot about what kind of listening I’m doing, and also whether anyone is listening to anyone anymore or just looking for confirmation. Basically, are we all trying to be right?
Have we stopped listening because we are all so focused on being right?
We live in an age where most of our daily conversations are via keyboards and screens, where social media is anything but social, and where opinions and beliefs are becoming stronger than ever as we experience greater levels of long-term chronic fear (and with it anxiety), shutting down the amygdala, the part of our brain responsible for critical thinking.
The result of this is that very quickly, instead of being able to have conversations, share ideas, get clarification, disagree respectfully without making it personal (or taking it personally), or putting someone in a box and slapping an extreme label on that box, the reflex has become to judge, make assumptions, delete and move on. Or sometimes even drop a hateful comment first, before moving on. (Being the recipient of these on a weekly basis, they are not effective if the goal is for the recipient to actually care. A polite, respectful, human response goes a long way.)
Therefore, we continue to fill our feeds and our lives only with information and people who support our existing beliefs. This limits our own growth potential.
We have stopped listening. And when we stop listening, we stop accepting new information into our awareness. We block the opportunity for our minds to change, our actions to change, or to accept that we may have the same goal but different ideas about how to get there. We miss the opportunity to accept that we might not be right. Maybe we have more to learn, and that’s okay.
There is power in conversation, in being able to not only listen but actively listen, share ideas, perceptions and experiences and be okay with the fact that not everyone will agree or that two different ideas could both be right.
We are all trying to find our way through the chaos and unknowns of life right now and to do that, we need less separation and more listening. We may need to respectfully disagree, but taking the time to understand different perspectives can go a long way.
With all the chaos out there, I started meditating again and it was hard. Really hard. Meditation and yoga and walking in silence and journaling and whatever else you do to quiet your mind and process stress is super easy when you’re not experiencing high levels of stress.
So I recognized that I needed to jump back into it. The first time I sat down to listen to my breath and let my mantra come, I checked the time about 23,456 times in twenty minutes. It was excruciating, but I continued to sit. It’s the bloat. The stress that comes out can feel a lot like it’s coming. But I’m committed to it.
The other thing I work on the most is being in my kitchen and cooking. It’s always been my go-to stress relief activity, but lately all I’ve been up to is preparing the next meal. And so, since my team works so well and I’m not around as much as I need to be every day, I can take the time to get back into creating.
Although both of these things feel like they are just for me, meditation benefits the meditator and everyone around them, just like cooking does.
Is there anything you’ve reconnected with lately that has been a source of joy and peace for you? Share it!
On My Mind Episode 04: Have We Stopped Listening? Have we all?
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It seems to me that if we can all reconnect with the sources of joy in our lives, we might just remember who we are, our source, tune into that intuition and as a result become more open to new thoughts, ideas, inspiration and each other.
Thank you for reading. Thank you for always being so open to listening.
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