All couples evolve, and with them, so do their sexual intercourse. It is normal for sexual desire to increase and decrease, as it depends on countless factors unique to each person (biological, psychological, emotional) and life changes that affect a couple (responsibilities, children, financial problems, etc.).
However, if low sexual desire affects your relationship, it is necessary to determine the cause and deal with it to avoid irreparable damage. In this article, we will explore the causes and basic strategies to deal with them.
The three -year crisis
When we fall in love, the desire for the other person sweeps us as if it were a medicine and is somehow due to the innovation and cocktail of hormones that flood our minds, especially serotonin (neurotransmitter that regulates sexual desire).
Serotonin levels rest so much that they create happiness and euphoria similar to high -caused drugs such as ecstasy or LSD, leading to a form of addiction.
Serotonin is also associated with other neurotransmitters and hormones such as dopamine, norepinephrine, phenylethylamine, oxytocin (“love hormone”) and testosterone substances that affect emotions such as confidence, . This explains why, at the beginning of a relationship, couples often cannot afford to be separate (or leave the bed).
However, this hormonal high has an expiration date – about three years. Around this time, many couples face their first crisis, wondering if they are no longer in love and whether the decline in desire marks the end of their relationship. But this should not happen unless their bond is based solely on sexual pleasure and fun.
If there is a steady basis – desire, love, sensitivity, friendship, complicity, admiration (in other words, love) – the relationship will continue to evolve at a deeper level, where desire manifests with different intensity and intensity and in different ways.
What kind of lack of desire do you face?
If your relationship is established and one or both of you face very low libido that affects your connection, The first question you need to ask is whether this lack of desire is general or merely between the two of you.
If the reduction of desire is generalYou may experience Disorder of Sexual Interest Women or Male disorder of outdoor sexual desire. These malfunctions are characterized by reduced (or absent) interest in sexual activity, erotic thoughts or fantasies, as well as lack of response to sexual arousal – either physical (such as lack of lubrication or erectile issues) or mentally/emotionally – causing discomfort dissatisfaction and frustration.
Although men and women experience these disorders differently, their origin may be normal, psychological, emotionalor a combination of the three, with a strong hormonal ingredient.
- To womenfluctuations in estrogen levels (the main female sexual hormone) affects not only physical stimulation (elasticity and lubrication) but also mental stimulation. Estrogen is associated with “nervous happiness” (endorphins, oxytocin, serotonin), which means that the higher the levels, the greater the sexual desire – and vice versa.
- To menThe most important cause of loss or lack of sexual desire is low levels of testosterone – The primary male hormone responsible for regulating stimulation and sexual desire.
Thus hormonal fluctuations can affect sexual interest and stimulation temporarily or over time.
What causes these hormonal changes?
- Natural stages of life: Male, menopause and pregnancy.
- Diseases and malfunctions: Disorders of the vascular, heart and nervous system, diabetes, endometriosis, pelvic soil dysfunctions, vagination, hypogonadism, vaginal dryness, genital surgery (such as overview) Anxiety, depression, among others.
- Drugs: Antidepressants, anticonvulsants, blood pressure medicines, opioids and chemotherapy.
- Harmful habits: Especially alcohol, smoking and poor nutrition.
If the lack of sexual desire is generalIt is important to see a doctor identify the main cause and receive appropriate treatment.
However, if there is no responsible medical condition or drugs or if the lack of desire occurs Only in the relationshipOther factors may be in the game.
Communication problems
The most common complaint in couples’ treatment is lack of communication And the psychological, emotional and sexual problems that it creates-such as frustration, resentment, low self-esteem, anxiety, emotional distance and reduced sexual desire.
One of the The main causes of lost desire in a relationship are anger or dissatisfaction To a partner – or for ignoring the needs, it is overly critical, demanding, dominant, passive or indifferent. If left unresolved, this can eventually lead to dissolution.
A painful end that could be avoided dynamic communication – Expressing himself with immediate, balanced, honest and respect, without judging, criticizing, making assumptions or blaming the other person. Instead, dynamic communication involves respect and empathy with your partner’s thoughts, feelings and needs.
Thus the first step Prevention and resolution of relationship conflict is Expressing openly (and allowing your partner to express) thoughts, feelings and desires (including sexual) In search of a mutually beneficial solution.
Stereotypes and sexual education
Pornography and restrictive or non -existent sexual education have created harmful stereotypes that fill us with trauma, fear and unrealistic expectations that we need to eliminate.
- Women They have been bombed with negative messages about sexuality, the right to enjoy it and the “right” age to do so.
- Men They have been taught to associate their masculinity and identity with sexual performance, penetration and orgasm – exerting huge pressure on them to be “sexual machines” that guarantee the pleasure of their partner.
This leads to common issues:
- For menThe fear of “non -execution as expected” contributes to low desire and erectile dysfunction.
- For womenThe guilt for the sense of sexual desire and body insecurities (overturning the way they appear during sex) contribute to low desire and difficulty in achieving orgasm.
Is vital to men Redefine “sexual performance” – This is not an imitation of porn scenes. Women, in turn, have to leave guilt and stop believing that they are “curious” or “unconscious” for the embrace of their physical sexuality.
To live a healthy and amazing sex life, must Replace negative preparation with messages that normalize and celebrate sexuality as something natural and enrichment.
Apathy and lack of eroticism
Over time, many people lose interest in eroticism and sex play. They become less imaginative, less energetic, stop imagining and losing the excitement to the things they once activated.
One reason is Lack of sexual stimuli – When we are very focused on other issues, we do not observe things that will otherwise light the desire. This creates a vicious circle: The less sexual stimuli we provide to our brain, the less receptive it becomes, leading to greater sexual apathy.
To break this cycle, must Feed our minds with stimuli – Erotic literature and films, flirting conversations, touches, kisses and sexual exploration, both alone and with a partner.
Stress, exhaustion and routine
Labor demands, economic struggles, parental care, household jobs … live in a fast, demanding society drain us, weaken us and makes us get sick. Stress, anxiety, exhaustion and lack of sleep affect our well-being, making it difficult to enjoy life-and to influence sexual desire and stimulation.
To combat this, priority urgent work, representative responsibilities, and Make time for neglected aspects of your life necessary for emotional balance.
A couple should also Make room for their relationship – Separate from work, family and social obligations. Enhance intimacy and enrich your sex life – not only as intercourse but through love, laughter, tenderness and connection.
Simple actions can help – draw romantic getaways, participate in activities together, cook a special dinner, hug while watching a show … Turn your relationship to prevent monotony.
Final thoughts
Is normal For sexual desire to ranges, but if a problem becomes, it is important to determine the cause and to deal with it Communication, respect and love. Occasionally, professional help (medical or therapeutic) is necessary. Your love is worth it.
