New research reveals how attachment insecurity and materialistic values fuel the ‘bloat’ in romantic relationships.
Constantly checking your phone during conversations with a partner—a behavior known as phubbing—may be less about bad manners and more about deeper psychological needs.
New research led by the University of Southampton, Vinzenz Pallotti University and Ruhr University Bochum in Germany has looked at why our phones come between us, even when we don’t want them to.
The study, published in Behavioral Sciences, shows that people who feel insecure in close relationships are more likely to engage in or feel hurt by phubbing – particularly when they also place a high value on material success, status and external validation.
Phubbing, short for phone snubbing, refers to ignoring someone you’re with in favor of your smartphone. Although often dismissed as a modern habit or social faux pas, research shows it can be driven by attachment-related anxieties and the seeking of affirmation, attention, and self-esteem.
Researchers surveyed more than 200 adults in romantic relationships, measuring their attachment style, materialistic values, and both “acted phubbing” (how much they imitate their partner) and “perceived phubbing” (how much they feel they are falling for them).
They found that, for some people, phones are a source of reassurance, position, or distraction from uncomfortable feelings—even at the cost of face-to-face connection.
The results showed:
- People up high attachment anxiety, who fear rejection or abandonment, are more likely to both fight their partner and feel hurt by their partner’s phone use.
- People up high avoid sticking, who are uncomfortable with closeness, – are especially likely to perceive phubbing, even if they are not directly involved in it themselves.
- MAteralism acts as a psychological bridge. People who place more importance on possessions, status, and external symbols of success are more likely to translate attachment insecurity into phone-focused behavior.
Study co-author Dr Claire Hart, Associate Professor of Psychology at the University of Southampton, said: “Phubbing isn’t just about screen time or poor etiquette. For many people, it reflects deeper concerns about safety, self-esteem and where attention and value come from.”
Why materialism matters
The study demonstrates for the first time that materialistic values help explain why attachment insecurity leads to phubbing.
Smartphones offer constant access to social comparison, validation and symbolic ‘value’, from messages and likes to chosen online identities.
For people who feel insecure in their relationships, this can make the phone especially hard to put down.
“Materialism enhances the appeal of the phone,” explained Dr. Hart. “If self-esteem is tied to external symbols or validation, digital engagement can begin to compete with or even replace real-world connection.”
Implications for relationships and digital well-being
The findings suggest that tackling phubbing in relationships may require more than telling people to use their phones less.
Instead, the researchers argue, interventions should focus on enhancing the safety of relationships, reducing reliance on external validation, and helping people think about the values that drive their digital habits.
Dr Hart said: “Taking this approach could be particularly valuable in relationship counselling, digital wellbeing initiatives and conversations between couples about technology and intimacy.”
The research builds on Dr Hart’s previous work which looked at people’s emotional reactions to phubbing. He added: “Understanding why people reach for their phones helps us tease out the blame. Phubbing can be a sign of unmet emotional needs – not just a distraction.”
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