You’re doing daycare or skipping school, you’re already late for work, and your child’s lip is starting to tremble. A terror turns to a wail, a wail to heartbreaking screams as they grip your leg.
After all, you have to leave and get a job. You spend the rest of the day feeling absolutely miserable. Sound familiar?
Every child is different and not every child will struggle with withdrawal. But if yours does, remember that it’s an appropriate age for young children to feel strong emotions when transitioning to a new environmentadjusting to unfamiliar places, people, expectations and routines. In extreme cases, it develops into separation anxiety disorder, which can affect 4% of preschool and school-age children.
In fact, there’s a lot you can do to make leaving less stressful for your child. A useful approach is to think about what the NSW Department of Education describes as the four “stages» of the transition to school or kindergarten: preparation, transfer, introduction and integration.
Preparation is key
Before your child starts, try they build relationships with other children in your area. Having even one familiar face when leaving can comfort your child.
Consider:
Where possible, allow your child to familiarize themselves with the school or nursery (also known as an ‘early learning and development centre’) in advance. See if you can visit several times and play in the playground before your child starts there.
Pay a few visits in the car or stop by and chat with your child about what people are doing at school or daycare and some of the routines of the day.
For children about to start school, pack lunch boxes and practice opening and eating them at home.
Read picture books about starting nursery or school – such as Maddie’s first day by Penny Matthews and Liz Anelli – to discuss the key issues together.
By spending unhurried time in the new environment before ‘first day’ children can explore the environment and build relationships with other children and teachers whilst feeling safe and comfortable.
Many nurseries can facilitate several visits like this. Schools will often have orientation programs and some will allow community access to facilities such as the playground or oval outside the school.
If you already have a child at school or daycare, try to bring your youngest child with you when you drop off or pick up their big brother or sister.
Routines can help smooth the transition
Establishment a routine during abandonment can help children settle into a new environment. Predictability can help children feel safe and secure.
An example of a routine might include putting their bag away, reading a book together, playing with dough, giving a kiss and a hug, and then leaving. This may mean going to school or daycare a little earlier than you would like.
Try to keep this routine effortless and focused on your child.
If the delivery is either too long or too short, children may experience overwhelming feelings. So try not to fall and dash if you can avoid it. Always let your child know when you are leaving, as sneaking away can cause mistrust and anxiety.
Avoid staying for a long time on one day and for a short time on the other day. This can make things less predictable for your child. Leaving and then returning repeatedly can also create uncertainty.
Many early learning and development centers use a primary caregiver modelwhere a teacher is responsible for most of the care routines for a child.
Building a strong relationship with this teacher means they are more likely to pick up on your child’s little cues and your child is more likely to be comforted during abandonment.
Talk to the school or early learning center about bringing a toy, photo or comfort item that helps children maintain a connection to home.
Support the induction process
Educators and teachers work hard to create one sense of belonging for children in this new environment.
This means building on children’s strengths and creating relationships so children feel comfortable.
A strength-based approach sees children as they are already students as they enter early childhood education, focusing on the knowledge and skills they bring.
So talk to the teachers and your child about what’s going on in care or at school, so you can congratulate your child on how well he’s doing. Find out more about what they do throughout the day and encourage them to see nursery or school as ‘their place’.
Consolidation
The transition process is complex and dynamic. A child who initially passed happily can retreatrequiring you and the teachers to review the process.
Many children who appear upset at departure will calm down quickly. But a child who experiences prolonged separation anxiety disorder specific strategies may be required for successful transition. Your child’s teacher will let you know if this is a problem.
Taking the time to build relationships with teachers and educators will allow you to work together.
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Every child is different
Remember that every child is an individual and adapting to a new environment can be different for everyone.
Whether children and families are anxious or excited, moving from home to school or daycare means change.
Change, although difficult at first, can open the window to new relationships, environments and experiences.
Understanding the process and working to minimize the impact will result in a happy start to early childhood.
