A question I often get asked when I meet a new client is:
“I have ____ problem that affects my sex life. Am I normal?’
The answer?
Yes!
Concerns and issues related to sex and sexuality are very common. A recent international study found that about 34% of men and about 46% of women reported experiencing one or more sexual problems in the previous year (Briken et al., 2020). When it comes to specific sexual concerns, approximately 30% of women report experiencing chronic low desire, and up to 72% of women report experiencing orgasm problems or difficulty orgasming during their lifetime (APA, 2022). Erectile dysfunction issues have an international prevalence of between 13% and 75%, with prevalence increasing by approximately 10–20% per decade of age (APA, 2022).
I“Normal” is relative to the total population, how could you not be normal with such prevalence numbers! Some researchers even believe that the prevalence of sexual problems is actually higher than reported. Why; Because people often feel too embarrassed or ashamed to talk about their sexual problems. Sex and sexuality are treated as taboo subjects in our society. So if no one else seems to talk about their sexual concerns, it can feel like you’re the only person in the world who struggles with sex. This can make you feel like you just have to “tough it out” or try to ignore your sexual worries or problems. But you don’t.
Sexual problems are nothing to be ashamed of.
If you were dealing with an ongoing and troubling illness or physical medical problem, you would probably go to the doctor. If you were headed to work one morning and found your car wouldn’t start, you’d probably call a mechanic. In these cases, you would seek help to be able to get back to the life you want to live. So why not do the same for erectile function issues? For pain with sex? For low desire? For sexual performance anxiety, orgasm problems, or any other sexual problem? Taking care of your sexual and mental health is just as important as taking care of your physical health (and more important than taking care of your car!). Everyone deserves a fulfilling sex life, and addressing your sexual concerns in therapy is a great first step to building the sex life and relationship with your sexuality that you want.
So how can sex therapy help?
According to research, the majority of sexual function problems (yes, including erectile dysfunction) are caused by psychological and/or relational factors rather than physiological or medical factors (Metz & McCarthy, 2004). Sex therapy is a unique intervention in that its focus lies at the intersection of sexual health and mental health. Sexual therapy aims to help individuals and couples (or individuals or more!) connect with their sexuality and sexual identity, helping them to cope with sexual and psychological problems. This is done by working with a sex therapist to cultivate an understanding of the interrelationship between mental health and sexual and relational functioning, define what sex and pleasure means to you, and identify and pursue goals for your sex life and your mental health. . Working with a sex therapist will help you learn about sexual function (ie, arousal, desire/”libido,” orgasms, sex anatomy, and more), sexuality, and relationships (ie, desire dissonance, polyamy, turns, and more) , and mental health. Sex therapy offers the advantage of working with a licensed therapist to address both mental health and sexual concerns in a supportive, non-judgmental space.
We know that talking to someone about sex can be intimidating — if you’re not ready to talk to a therapist yet, these resources are a good place to start:
- Come as you are by Emily Nagoski
- Treatment of painful sex by Deborah Coady, MD and Nancy Fish, MSW, MPH
- Rekindling desire by Barry McCarthy, Ph.D and Emily McCarthy
- The truth about men and sex by Abraham Morgentaler, MD
- Stress-Free Sex: A Couple’s Guide to Overcoming Frustration, Avoidance, and Pressure by Jessa Zimmerman, MA, LMHC, CST
– Katelyn Chapman, LCSWA
Bibliographical references:
Metz, ME & McCarthy, BW (2004). Coping with Erectile Dysfunction: How to Regain Confidence and Enjoy Great Sex. New Harbinger Publications.
American Psychiatric Association. (2022). Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition, Text Revision. Washington, DC: American Psychiatric Press.
Briken P, Matthiesen S, Pietras L, Wiessner C, Klein V, Reed GM, & Dekker A. (2020). Estimating the prevalence of sexual dysfunction using the new ICD-11 guidelines. Dtsch Arztebl Int. 117(39), 653-658. doi: 10.3238/arztebl.2020.0653
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Katelyn Chapman, MSW, LCSWA is a Licensed Clinical Social Work Associate in North Carolina currently accumulating hours toward her full licensure. To schedule an appointment with Katelyn or any of the therapists at Carolina Sexual Wellness Center, call 919-297-8322.
