Tania is a SANE Peer Ambassador. She recently reflected on how engaging in lived experience work gave her tools to deal with anxiety.
I’m always working to be as healthy as I can be – which is a very strange transition considering that for a long time I didn’t care what happened to my body, where I didn’t want to live! I am conscious about what food is fueling my body and try to think about food in a more neutral way. Not good or bad, but different kinds of fuel that my body needs at different times. While I used to love sports, including football, Gaelic and Aussie rules, since having my son I’ve mostly stuck to walking. I’m currently doing a challenge where I hope to walk 100km in a month.
Since becoming a Peer Ambassador in 2018, Tanya, now 36, has managed postpartum anxiety and new nagging thoughts associated with being a mother. Staying active and aware of her emotions allows Tanya to welcome a range of good and bad moments that make up a busy family life.
I live with my partner, our son, our cat Sebastian and our dog Albie. I’m a work in progress, day by day – I feel like recovery is a lifelong process and I’m now focusing on improving my quality of life, rather than measuring success in terms of money or career. Being involved with SANE was the beginning of my work with lived experience and the beginning of sharing parts of my wisdom to help others share my story so others feel less alone. I know there have been times in the past where I felt suicidal, or had horrible disturbing thoughts, where I felt isolated and alone. I thought I was the only one who ever felt or thought this way. It’s so important to me now that others can find the community that I have, whether it’s getting involved in advocacy like I did or just being vulnerable people and making that connection.
While peers were a big part of my recovery, the most important thing I learned through therapy was recognizing what a disturbing thought is. What is stress? Whenever I can name the feeling, it helps me move forward.
Tanya says that when she started working with SANE, Nat’s head of experience at the time was a great mentor in paying attention to her emotions. The poem “The Guest House” by Rumi It was a poem that Nat recommended to Tanya, which brings her comfort and serves as a reminder of well-being.
This poem taught me more about my least favorite “guests” when it comes to my feelings.
There are obviously some emotions I’d rather wait longer, like joy or love. But stress and sadness, anger and even suicidal thoughts all play a role too. Usually for me it’s protective. Recently I’ve been thinking about how some big emotions like sadness, only show up because I liked it to begin with. And all this is very magical.
Throughout her mental health journey, Tanya maintained regular therapy to help manage recurring disturbing thoughts and compulsions.
When I experienced more disturbing thoughts after having my son, I felt lucky that I already knew how to deal with them from previous treatment and years of living with similar symptoms and anxiety.
Informed consent is a huge part of why I’m passionate about advocacy. I think sometimes as women we are socialized in a way that makes it harder to be assertive. It is difficult if there is a power imbalance to challenge power. As with patient and doctor. Learning self-defense skills was a critical part of my recovery and a big reason that lived experience work has been so transformative in my life.
From the beginning of her fertility journey, Tanya and her partner both had great emotions.
When our son was born via IVF, I hoped my anxiety would disappear. The goal was to have a baby and we succeeded. But keeping him in the hospital made me realize the depth of the responsibility I now faced. And that anxiety just got stronger. When he was two weeks old my partner went back to work and I remember having disturbing thoughts.
With the support of her partner, doctor and psychologist Tanya recognized her disturbing thoughts.
Overtime I was able to leave my headspace to make room for joy and laughter.
I’m proud of myself for the work I put into my mental health before I became a parent because I think it makes me better. But this work never ends. I see myself differently now – working on myself is not a negative or a weakness. Working on myself is a good role model for my son. It sees me taking care of myself, being vulnerable, asking for help, naming my feelings, and sitting with anxiety. These are all valuable skills to learn.
The Guest House by Rumi
This human being is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and have fun everyone!
Even if it is a multitude of sorrows,
that violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
However, treat every guest with respect.
It might clear you up
for a new pleasure.
The dark thought, the shame, the malice.
meet them at the door laughing and invite them in.
Be thankful for what comes.
for each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.
