Because communication is the most exciting trend in intimate wellness
When asked what trend in intimate wellness really excites him—not because it’s popular on social media, but because it has the potential to change the way people connect—Dr. Sagarin’s answer is clear: communication and transparency supported by research.
Across the studies, a pattern consistently emerges. Relationships work best when partners know:
what kind of intimacy the other person is looking for
what fancies or curiosities they may have
what are the boundaries and interests that matter most
Intimacy does not thrive on speculation. He thrives on knowing.
Dr. Sagarin emphasizes that people cannot meet each other’s needs if those needs are never expressed. Communication is not an optional enhancement of intimacy – it is the infrastructure that supports it.
Adventurous intimacy is not as rare as we think
Much of Dr. Sagarin’s research focuses on what he describes as more adventurous types of intimacyincluding BDSM. These practices are often stereotyped as niche or extreme, leading many people to assume that only a small subset of people are interested in them.
Research tells a different story.
Dr. Sagarin explains that fantasizing or engaging in adventurous intimacy is surprisingly common. Far more people are curious about these dynamics than public discourse suggests. The perception that these desires are rare is driven less by data and more by stigma.
This gap between perception and reality creates a painful paradox:
People assume their desires are unusual
This assumption causes embarrassment or shame
Shame discourages disclosure
Silence reinforces the myth that “no one else feels this way”
Breaking this cycle starts with accurate information—and conversations that normalize curiosity instead of pathologizing it.
Desire is dangerous when we think we are alone
One of the most important effects of the work of Dr. Sagarin are psychological, not behavioral.
When people believe their desires are unique or deviant, they are more likely to:
Dr. Sagarin offers a reframing that can be deeply comforting: your inner desires may be shared by many others. And when people are willing to be open with a partner, they often discover something unexpected—that their partner may be curious, interested, or even willing to explore the same ideas.
Openness creates possibilities. Silence rules it out.
How Dr. Brad Sagarin found his research interest
The interest of Dr. Sagarin for BDSM communities did not come from chasing trends or provocation. It came from noticing a serious gap in research.
While in graduate school, she realized that adventurous intimacy was:
Despite its prevalence, it has rarely been examined with the same scientific rigor as applied to other aspects of human intimacy. This lack of research had consequences. When areas of sexuality are academically ignored, myths flourish and stigma goes unchallenged.
Dr. Sagarin recognized that BDSM communities, in particular, had something valuable to teach—not just for sex, but for how people communicate desire, negotiate boundaries and build trust.
What BDSM communities are teaching the wider world
One of the most impressive findings from the research of Dr. Sagarin is that people involved in BDSM often demonstrate extremely strong communication skills.
These communities often emphasize:
explicit discussion of desires
negotiation before intimacy
clarity around boundaries
consecutive check-ins
transparency about needs
Contrary to stereotypes, these discussions do not diminish the passion. Dr. Sagarin notes that talking ahead of time doesn’t make intimacy any less exciting or spontaneous. In fact, it often does the opposite.
When people know what their partner wants—and know that their own desires are welcome—they experience:
greater freedom
deeper trust
increased excitement
reduced stress
Communication does not exhaust eroticism. It protects it.
Speaking first doesn’t kill the mood – it builds it
A persistent cultural myth suggests that talking too much about sex makes it clinical or boring. The research of Dr. Sagarin directly disputes this idea.
It explains that when partners communicate openly:
Knowing what is welcome allows people to relax into intimacy rather than acting or guessing. Far from killing desire, communication often it creates the conditions where desire can safely flourish.
This image applies far beyond BDSM. Any relationship benefits when people feel safe enough to say what they want—and hear what their partner wants in return.
The message for the next generation: We can’t read minds
If Dr. Sagarin could offer a message about love and intimacy to the next generation, it would be simple and fundamental:
We can’t read minds.
This sounds obvious, yet many people still expect partners to understand desires, boundaries, and fantasies without conversation. When this does not happen, frustration and resentment follow.
Dr. Sagarin emphasizes that by talking about what you want:
it builds intimacy
it signals trust
calls for reciprocity
When one person opens up, it often makes the other person feel safer doing the same. Over time, this creates what he calls a virtuous circle of communication, passion and excitement.
Because compatibility matters less than we think
One of the most fascinating insights Dr. Sagarin shares comes from recent (as yet unpublished) research from his lab.
The study examined whether harmony—the idea that partners should be perfectly matched in interests or desires—was the strongest predictor of relationship satisfaction.
Surprisingly, it wasn’t.
What mattered far more was the commitment of each partner to satisfy the needs and desires of the other.
In other words:
Perfect alignment is less important than effort
Shared values matter more than shared fantasies
Willingness to care predicts satisfaction better than coincidence
This finding evokes a deep-seated romantic ideal. Relationships don’t thrive because two people are magically matched. They thrive because two people choose to prioritize each other’s well-being.
What does this mean for intimate wellness?
The work of Dr. Sagarin redefines intimate wellness as an active, relational process rather than a fixed trait.
Healthy intimacy is not about:
to find someone just like you
suppression of desires that feel dangerous
assuming interest equals incompatibility
The it is for:
communicating openly
remaining curious about each other
reducing shame around desire
commitment to mutual satisfaction
Adventurous intimacy does not threaten relationships. Silence does.
Implications for sexual health professionals
For sex therapists, sex educatorsand clinicians, the research of Dr. Sagarin offers several critical conclusions:
Normalize the diversity of desire. Many interests labeled as “unusual” are much more common than clients realize.
Reduce shame through education. Knowledge helps people shape their desires instead of judging them.
Teach communication skills, not just consent. Discussing wants and boundaries is fundamental.
Focus on engagement, not compatibility. Relationship satisfaction increases with effort and care.
BDSM communities are not anomalies – they are case studies of what happens when communication is taken seriously.
Summary: BDSM communities and intimate wellness
Social psychology research by Dr. Brad Sagarin shows that adventurous intimacy, including BDSM, is much more common than cultural stereotypes suggest. His work highlights that communication and openness—not perfect compatibility—are the strongest predictors of relationship satisfaction. Many people share desires that they believe are unusual, and open discussion with partners often reveals a mutual interest. BDSM communities demonstrate how talking about desires up front builds trust, freedom and excitement. Commitment to meeting a partner’s needs predicts satisfaction more than accidental alignment of interests.
Final Takeaway
Dr. Brad Sagarin’s research invites a fundamental shift in the way we think about intimacy.
Desire is not the problem.
Curiosity is not the problem.
The difference is not the problem.
The real barrier is silence—fueled by stigma, fear, and misunderstanding.
When people talk openly about what they want, intimacy becomes safer, richer, and more fulfilling. And when partners commit to caring for each other’s needs, relationships thrive—not because they were perfectly compatible to begin with, but because they chose to communicate.
Adventurous intimacy is not about being extreme.
The point is to be honest.
