One of the things I’ve really appreciated about leading MiddlesexMD is the opportunity to connect with a network of others who provide support to both women and men as they manage their health in midlife—including maintaining sexual health and intimate relationships . Hearing from colleagues who represent the male perspective can support open, two-way conversations about the changing nature of intimacy.
Okay, so you’ve gone through menopause and you’re feeling a little down. Along with changes like weight gain and irritability, you now also have doubts and fears about things you didn’t have before. Questions like “am I still desirable?” or “Will I want to become intimate?” are common among women going through menopause.
While health professionals and menopause resources can help relieve some of your fears, sometimes that’s not enough. If you are in a relationship, you may also need to listen to your partner’s views. Some significant others may be reluctant to give their feedback, either because they fear offending you or because they are still working to represent their own feelings and fears.
That doesn’t mean you don’t deserve answers. That’s why we’ve put together a few things you might want to know about being intimate with yourself after menopause.
Sometimes they feel unwanted
Your significant other may feel like you no longer want them. Why; The hormonal changes that occur with menopause, the decrease in estrogen you produce, can cause vaginal dryness, decrease libido and affect the time it takes to become aroused. All of these can lead your partner to doubt their desire, despite knowing the cause of these symptoms.
That is why it is essential to maintain constant communication. Let your partner know that you really want them and that it has nothing to do with their desire. Also, let them know if you have similar feelings. Talking about sex and intimacy can feel uncomfortable at first, but ultimately it’s very helpful: everyone should have a sex life they’re happy with.
They still like to be intimate
Since menopause can reduce how much you want to have sex, you may feel a little out of practice when you decide to start again. Lack of consistency can affect your confidence and reduce your desire for sex even more. However, this is nothing to worry about. No matter how long you’ve been without sex, your partner will be excited to start things up again.
Their love for you outweighs any fears you may have about your prowess in the bedroom. While sex won’t be exactly the same as when you were in your 20s, that doesn’t mean it won’t be just as good or even better with the right tips. Experiencing menopause symptoms can give you a certain freedom and creativity that you didn’t have before.
They don’t mind changing things
As mentioned earlier, intercourse will probably not be the same as in the days before menopause. You may need to change positions or use things you’ve never thought of before. Like most things, having a routine can get a little boring. Changing things up can bring some passion into the bedroom and make your partner feel wanted again. You shouldn’t be shy about incorporating vibrators into the bedroom or new positions that are more comfortable.
Changing your routine can also be an effective way to combat sexual obstacles for you and your partner. Although men do not go through menopause like women, they still experience sexual difficulties with age, such as erectile dysfunction. These difficulties may begin to affect your time together. While using ED drugs can help improve their situation, changing things up in the bedroom can be a useful addition as it can boost both of your libidos. Keeping the lines of communication open can help you identify your struggles and decide how to turn things around.
Intimacy doesn’t always mean sex
It’s easy to feel pressured to have sex sometimes, but intimacy goes beyond that. Sometimes all your partner needs is a nice cuddle session to feel connected to you. Intimacy includes anything that promotes a strong connection between you and your significant other. If you’re not in the mood, be transparent with your partner about why and offer an alternative.
Maybe that means going out on dates again or even doing something you both love. This may help increasing emotional intimacy and provide your significant other with the intimacy they crave — just in a different way.
Brief history…
Menopause can wreak havoc on many aspects of your life, your relationship being one of them. With the right tools and enough dedication, the symptoms you’re dealing with don’t have to control your life. If you need a safe space to talk to people who have similar situations, consider joining a Facebook group for menopausal women.
Dr. Barb DePree, MD, has been a gynecologist and women’s health provider for nearly 30 years and a menopause specialist for the past ten.
