As parents, we want the best for our children — to be happy, have strong and positive relationships, and be successful in life. If we can instill respect in our tiny humans, we can give them the skills to develop and demonstrate empathy, engage with the world through a compassionate lens, and ultimately experience strong and mutually positive relationships.1 Raising children with respect is one of the most important things we will do as parents, but that doesn’t mean it’s easy. In fact, there are certain things we need to learn avoid do if we do not want our children to be disrespectful.
10 You must not avoid raising ungodly children
Here are 10 strategies to help your child avoid behaviors that could lead to disrespect:
1. Don’t be inconsistent
Our children need us to be consistent so that they understand what is expected of them. If we are inconsistent, we may confuse our little ones. We may see disrespect if our children are unsure of the rules or how far they can push a boundary. It’s important to set clear rules and boundaries and set appropriate consequences (that you apply consistently) if they can’t stick to them. This consistency helps them learn what behaviors are unacceptable and what rules they must follow.1.2
2. Don’t model bad behavior
Our children are like sponges. They are constantly learning and taking in new information, including what they learn from us as parents. Children often copy and imitate their parents and if you use bad words, ignore the rules or disrespect others. . . you can bet your kid sees this! And at some point, you’re likely to see them mimic this behavior as well. So be mindful of how you interact with other people around you (not just your child). This will help teach your child how (and why) it’s important to treat others with respect and empathy.3
3. Don’t ignore disrespect
Sometimes when our kids are being disrespectful (especially in public), it can be tempting to ignore them or back off so you don’t create a scene and feel embarrassed. But when you ignore the issue and don’t deal with things like talking back, giving you attitude, or ignoring the rules, it signals to your child that it’s okay to behave that way.4
4. Don’t overreact
Yes, I have said that you should be consistent and respond fairly immediately to disrespectful behavior at first. However, you also need to control your own emotions and how you respond to their disrespect. When a child (especially a teenager) is disrespectful, it can be easy to react with anger or frustration. However, if you overreact, it can escalate things and may even reinforce the negative behavior (depending on how you react). I know it’s hard, but try to stay cool and deal with the situation or behavior in a measured and constructive way. Explain to your child why his behavior was unexpected or inappropriate. Explore the implications of making sure they understand what you’re saying.5
5. Don’t avoid consequences
It’s good to have clear rules, but without consequences, the rules themselves can be undermined. An effective way to prevent unwanted or rude behavior is to set consequences for a disrespectful child. If your child ignores the rules, there should be clear and immediate consequences. These consequences should be reasonable (ie, “the punishment should fit the crime”), age-appropriate, and something you’ve negotiated in advance. If a consequence makes sense, it will make more sense to your child and they will be better able to connect their behavior and the unwanted outcome. For example, if they are calling out their siblings, they may need some time to play solo. If they grab toys, then they are not allowed to play with the toy.1
6. Don’t ignore positive reinforcement
Teaching respect isn’t just about consequences. It is also vital to recognize the power of positive reinforcement. When your child shows respect, empathy, or some other pro-social behavior, be sure to recognize and praise it. This has a two-fold impact — first, it encourages respectful behavior. (They will want the praise again. Or to feel good, they are likely to repeat the behavior that earned the praise.) Second, feeling good about themselves will increase their sense of self-worth.6
7. Don’t forget teaching empathy
Often, disrespectful behavior is intentional. Our little ones are still learning about the impact their behavior has on other people. So make sure you teach your child about empathy. You can start by teaching them the words for different emotions so they can describe and understand a wide range of emotions. Also note when you recognize this feeling in yourself, your child, and others. This helps them make the connection between their inner experiences (feelings) and other people’s feelings. You can also read books to help them gain perspective on different people’s experiences, or discuss different scenarios to get them thinking about how others might feel in certain situations.1
8. Don’t underestimate peer influence
While you do your best to raise your child to be compassionate and respectful, it’s wise not to underestimate the role of peers in developing and influencing your child’s behavior. This becomes increasingly important as children grow up and become teenagers. If your child plays with peers who are disrespectful, they may start copying them to make connections or gain acceptance. While we can’t always control who our child is friends with, we need to keep a close eye on these behaviors. We want to encourage friendships with people who share similar values about respect and kindness and make sure our children know how to say “no” or avoid peer pressure.7
9. Don’t dismiss the value of communication
Open, transparent and respectful communication is key to preventing disrespectful behaviour. If your child knows they can talk to you about difficult things, or if you take the time to really listen when they want to talk about those things, you’ll create an environment where your child feels valued and understood. When children feel heard and acknowledged, it goes a long way in reducing the likelihood of disrespectful behavior.1.4
10. Don’t forget to take care of you!
Being calm when responding to disrespect is critical to managing and reducing this type of behavior in children. However, it’s very difficult to stay cool, calm and focused if you’re not feeling your best. Parents need to engage in self-care and learn relaxation or stress-reduction strategies so they feel better equipped to handle the challenges of parenting. If you can manage your own stress and avoid things to your child, you will be a great role model and provide the support your child needs to learn all about respect.8
Raising children with respect is an ongoing journey throughout their lives. If you’ve noticed disrespect creeping into your child’s behavior or attitude, it’s not too late to take action. Understanding what causes a child to be disrespectful, recognizing the signs that they are disrespecting you or others, and how to deal with an angry, disrespectful child are all critical steps in cultivating an attitude of respect. By modeling respect, teaching empathy, and being consistent with rules, boundaries, and consequences, you can create an environment in your family where respect thrives.
