Why breakup is so painful: 7 serious reasons

Why is breakup so painful? Why is it so hard to break up with someone? Is it because you loved that person and now that they are gone, you don’t know how to live without that person?

Or you’re having a hard time coming to terms with accepting the fact that things didn’t work out between you and you need to let it go. Because holding on hurts you even more. There is a small difference here, and this small difference has a big impact on our mental well-being and our future life.

When I was going through a legal separation, it was painful. After years of trying, understanding, opportunities, giving space, things couldn’t work out between us. Writing was my savior, and maybe being aware of when and where to stop helped me let him go.

Why is breaking up in a relationship so painful?

The process of breaking up creates chaos inside your mind and you feel like it might explode at any time, at any moment. We give our whole lives to someone and when they move, we see our whole world come crashing down right in front of us.

Do you know why breakup is so painful? Because it’s like picking up the broken pieces every day and building yourself up and you still feel empty and broken, there’s this void deep inside you beyond anyone’s imagination. No matter how gracefully you deal with such a situation, you still you feel empty insidebecause you once loved that person and never expected life without them.

Married Indian women are regulated in such a way that we feel our entire existence is defined by our life partner and we have to pour our last bit of blood and energy to keep things running smoothly, WHY? Because of society, because of the rules and because that’s the way it HAS to be.

But, as I said earlier, after a period of time you realize that there is nothing else here and all you do is bang your head against the wall and hurt yourself in return, only accumulating a lot of pain.

Why is divorce so painful in a marriage?

When you’re in a relationship/affair and things aren’t going well between you, go home, you have somewhere to go. Although the suffering and pain are immeasurable and incomparable, you have a place to return to and most of the time no one knows about your relationship. The most important thing is that you don’t have a child to worry about.

But when you commit to someone and love someone, you build a house in them, you see them as your home, and when they leave you or ask you out, you feel homeless. Wherever you go, what you do this feeling remains.

In marriages, things get very complicated. Emotional and mental pain is no less felt than physical pain. Most of the time even parents don’t support you. On top of that, few people make it that bad to deal with, no guts, no backbone, just cruelty to put each other down. Why is breakup so painful? Here are some reasons:

1.) Future insecurities

For yourself, for raising the child alone.

2.) Financial Challenges

Raising a child and taking care of everything on your own not only requires a lot of mental energy but also a steady income.

3.) Society

Divorce, separation, remarriages? Rebound; No one lets you take a breather and give you time to heal.

4.) Loneliness

The dark side of going through a broken heart.

5.) Defamation

Yes, the other side won’t leave a single chance to show you their dirty fingers and make your life miserable.

6.) Feeling judged

I think it’s a feeling that is a result of the huge decision, a huge change in your life changes the way people see you.

7.) Plenty of unsolicited advice

Aaa!! We have so many of them around us, don’t we?

After years of crying, complaining, trying to make amends, trying to fit in trying to win him back, I chose to let him go. Maybe this is the LOVE we’re talking about, the love we all want, just let it be. And, I would like to share with you a very important poem written by Jorge Luis Borges. This has hit me really hard.

A poem by Jorge Luis Borges
After a while you learn the subtle difference
Between holding a hand and chaining a soul,
And you learn that love doesn't mean leaning
And company doesn't mean security.
And you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts
And presents aren't promises,
And you begin to accept your defeats
With your head up and your eyes open
With the grace of a woman, not the grief of a child,
And you learn to build all your roads on today
Because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans
And futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight.
After a while you learn...
That even sunshine burns if you get too much.
So you plant your garden and decorate your own soul,
Instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.
And you learn that you really can endure
That you really are strong
And you really do have worth...
And you learn and learn...
With every good-bye you learn.

During this time, I realized what true love is and there is a difference between wanting and needing, and how this small difference is capable of making a huge difference in our relationship status.

I don’t know how I managed to write this post, but I know someone is going to read me today and I need strength, lots of strength. I hope we all get the love and light we deserve and not what we chase. Why do you think breaking up is so painful?