Dr. Michelle Quist Ryder, PhD (she/her), is a social psychologist and chief researcher who serves as the CEO of the American Psychological Foundation (APF). At APF, he helps guide philanthropic investments that fund psychological research, support scholars and practitioners, and extend evidence-based solutions to real-world problems. Her professional background includes human-centered organizational design, effective DEI practice, and translating social science into practical tools for institutions and communities. He regularly speaks and writes about belonging, identity, workplace culture, and the public value of psychological science—so more people can live healthier, more dignified lives and accelerate impact through rigorous, ethical research worldwide.
Scott Douglas Jacobsen talk to Dr. Michelle Quist Ryder (CEO, American Psychological Association) on why social connection is an important protective factor for health. Ryder says the evidence is “overwhelming”: strong ties predict longer life and better mental and physical health, while loneliness competes with major risk factors – comparable in magnitude to smoking. Distinguishes social ties (having friends) from belonging (feeling accepted and safe). Small, design cues—being noticed, easy participation, representation, and most of all contributing—accelerate belonging. For the holidays, she recommends concrete plans ahead of time, less social media comparisons, and volunteering to shift from ruminating to needing.
Scott Douglas Jacobsen: Social connectedness is a protective factor for health. What is the evidence for this?
Dr. Michelle Quist Ryder: The evidence is, frankly, overwhelming. Decades of research show that people with stronger social connections live longer and have better physical and mental health overall. Loneliness and social isolation are so dramatically associated with increased risk of premature mortality that they surpass conditions we consider critical, such as obesity and lack of physical activity, and equal to factors we consider actively harmful. The size of the effect is roughly comparable to smoking 15 cigarettes a day.
What is particularly important is that it is not just about “having people around”. You don’t have to be alone to be alone. The crucial part is whether we feel supported and that we belong. Social connection reduces stress, supports healthier behaviors, and reduces chronic stress that comes from feeling unsafe or invisible. In other words: the connection is not just emotional. it is normal.
Jacobsen: Galentine’s Day is a pop culture invention. Why do informal rituals acquire psychological significance?
Ryder: Humans are extremely good at turning small, invented things into things, and these things can be extremely useful if they fill a real need. Informal rituals encourage belonging, reduce cognitive load (because we know what to expect), and create a sense that everyone is aligned on shared positive feelings. They take an abstract feeling (“I appreciate my friends”) and turn it into a repetitive action (“we do this every year”). So we not only have the pleasant feelings of our memories, but the warmth of anticipation that we will do it again.
I also think it’s worth mentioning that there is a certain element of agency to “Galentino’s Day.” Valentine’s Day is all about romance and has historically focused mostly on whether couples are partners and what the man plans for the female partner. And stereotypically, male partners initiate relationships. So you have a lot of people who might feel left out. those who are not partnered, those who are not heterosexual, or those who are partnered with men who are not flamboyant for whatever reason. “Galentine’s” can feel like a catch-up. It says: we can choose to honor the relationships that sustain us, without waiting for them to choose us.
Jacobsen: What is the difference between having friends and feeling like you belong?
Ryder: In short, having friends is all about social connections. Belonging is about feeling wanted and accepted.
Many people recognize the experience of a friend consuming more resources (mental, emotional, or physical) than they give back. Or a group of friends in which you psych yourself up before an interaction. reminding yourself what you should and shouldn’t say or do. You can have tons of friends and still feel like you don’t fit in at all—especially if you feel like you’re putting on a show, grooming yourself, or always doing the emotional labor.
Belonging is different. Belonging is peace and acceptance. You don’t need to run. You don’t need to lean. And interestingly, you don’t even need to have close friends in a space to feel a sense of belonging, as long as the environment consistently signals that people “like you” are welcome there.
Social ties are important. Belonging is essential.
Jacobsen: What does research suggest are effective elements belonging to community spaces?
Ryder: Belonging is shaped by surprising little signals that answer one basic question: Is there a place for someone like me here?
Effective cues include being noticed when you arrive, having clear ways to participate without insider knowledge, and seeing people like you reflected in leadership or rules. You can also develop a sense of belonging over time in spaces that facilitate return. to build that sense of peace and community.
One of the most powerful elements that isn’t necessarily intuitive is contribution. When people are called upon to help, host or play a role, belonging is accelerated. I have a friend who feels lonely during the holidays. not because her family is cold, but because they don’t let her contribute. They insist on doing everything themselves and resist when he tries to help. Even in a warm environment, exclusion from contribution can create feelings of isolation.
Being needed is a fast track to feeling important. and ultimately, this is a basic human need at the core of belonging.
Jacobsen: What are some haunted ways to reduce loneliness during the holidays?
Ryder: Loneliness tends to spike on vacation because expectations are high, plans are often unclear, and belonging is taken for granted.
It’s pretty brutal.
So here are some things that reliably help:
- Plan early and specifically. Choose a meaningful interaction instead of chasing the perfect day. If you suffer from social anxiety, use simple structures such as shared meals or activities. And reach out in ways that reduce the cost of saying yes: “No pressure, but do you want to Facetime lunch on Thursday?” it goes a long way.
- Step away from social media, which can reinforce the illusion that everyone else is included. Instagram is famous (among researchers at least) for cultivating negative emotions. Loneliness thrives on ambiguity and comparison. it shrinks when we do a real design with a real person.
- Volunteer. It may sound counterintuitive, but do you remember that it is necessary? Serving other people moves your emotions out of rumination and into the real world, where they can be connected to real things, like actively making someone’s life better. Even if it’s just for a moment. And volunteer environments are almost unmatched for cultivating a sense of belonging over time.
Jacobsen: How does identity, stigma or marginalization change the loneliness/belonging equation?
Ryder: Ugh. There are so many layers to it.
At first, marginalization adds cognitive and emotional burden. There’s uncertainty that comes with belonging (“Do I fit in here?”), vigilance for bias, and sometimes the need to hide parts of yourself to stay safe. All of this makes connecting more difficult, even in a room full of people. Maybe even especially in a room full of people.
This is why inclusive design matters. When environments reduce background threat through things like rules, behavior, and accountability, people have a greater ability to truly connect. Belonging is not only emotional. it is structural. This structure means everything. It takes the burden off the person walking in to look for where they belong and instead highlights it right from the start.
Jacobsen: If a reader wanted to host a Galentine’s gathering, what design choices matter?
Ryder: The difference between “cute” and “meaning” is structure. Keep the group small enough that people can be seen. Create an easy arrival. music, a snack, something to do with your hands. A way to connect with people. Create a shared activity so the conversation doesn’t take all the weight.
Invite contributions, but keep it optional. Say out loud the part that belongs to you: “I’m so glad you’re here!”
And if you want ownership to last, create a next touchpoint. a group chat, a photo share, “same time next month?”
The secret ingredient isn’t the themed decor. It makes it easier to be recognized, to be safe, and to just be.
Jacobsen: From APF’s perspective, where is the most promising frontier in belonging research?
Ryder: Borders aren’t about discovering that belonging matters. We know that. Emphatically.
The frontier is implementation: the translation of science that belongs in everyday settings such as schools, workplaces, health care settings, and community spaces.
That means better measurement, better design, and interventions that don’t entirely put the onus on people to “try harder” to connect. The most promising work treats belonging as something we can build into systems, not something people must earn by luck or personality. It’s inclusion. It’s recognition. It is common humanity. And above all, it is inherently good. For all of us.
Jacobsen: Thanks so much for the opportunity and your time, Michelle.
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Scott Douglas Jacobsen it is the his publisher In-Sight Publishing (ISBN: 978-1-0692343) and its Editor-in-Chief In-Sight: Interviews (ISSN: 2369-6885). He writes about THE Good Men Project, International Policy Digest (ISSN: 2332–9416), THE Humanist (Print: ISSN 0018-7399; Online: ISSN 2163-3576), Basic Income Land Network (UK Registered Charity 1177066), A Further researchand other means. He is a member in good standing of several media organizations.
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