SMSNA receives and publishes “guest editorials” periodically. The current article was submitted by Mia Barnes, a freelance writer and researcher specializing in women’s health, wellness and healthy living. She is its Founder and Editor-in-Chief Body+Mind Magazine.
Feeling like you can’t control your body is frustrating, especially if you struggle to reach orgasm. While there can be many reasons why you can’t climax, your mental health can be one of the main causes. Learn more about how overthinking can lead to orgasmic dysfunction and you may find some solutions that will give you peace of mind.
What is orgasmic dysfunction?
Orgasmic dysfunction is a general medical term that describes a person’s inability to achieve orgasm regardless of the sexual arousal or arousal they experience. Experts estimate that 4.4% of cisgender men struggle with this challenge, and note that the number is likely higher due to underreporting.
The researchers also found that 28% of women in America also have difficulty achieving orgasm. No matter which statistic applies to you, you are not alone in this experience.
How does overthinking lead to this?
Overthinking happens when your thoughts are competing about one or more subjects. It may be associated with increased feelings of anxiety, stress or depression. The result is an inability to focus on anything else, which can lead to orgasmic dysfunction because it takes you out of your sexual arousal.
Tips to Stop Overthinking
Take back control of your mind and sex life by implementing new mental health strategies. Incorporating at least one into your daily life could solve your racing mind and help you experience orgasms again.
- Talk about what’s on your mind
Connecting with a loved one can calm your mental health because you can vent. Talk about the thoughts that are most connected to your feelings, such as your greatest worry or anxiety. When you finish your conversation, you may feel more at peace. You could also see a therapist regularly if you need more long-term support from someone trained to help you decompress your thoughts.
- Customize your routine
A small change in your routine could be relaxing. Consider delegating responsibilities or making more time for self-care. The best addition to your routine depends on what influences your thoughts the most.
You might even adjust what you have as a routine in your sex life. Meditation or deep breathing could ground you in your body so you can be present enough to have an orgasm.
- Practice Active Self-Compassion
Self-compassion is more than accepting a compliment. When you actively practice this, you limit the way you think negatively about yourself. Think about what was going through your mind the last time you tried to have an orgasm. If you felt focused on a mistake you made earlier in the week, your new routine could be to recognize when you’re considering a mistake and let it go.
Recognizing the most compassionate way to treat yourself can take some work. Grab a calendar or open a note on your phone. If you spend a few days writing down the negative thoughts that cross your mind, you can reflect on the most common themes.
Do something positive to reverse what’s on your mind the most, like saying a positive affirmation out loud when you’re doubting yourself. It may seem like a small act, but self-compassion reduces stress hormones that could be preventing you from orgasming.
Feel more confident in your body
Once you understand how overthinking can lead to orgasmic dysfunction, you can take control of your mind and body. Consider which thoughts are most present when you are trying to have an orgasm. If you work to reverse these thoughts outside of sexual experiences, you could feel more confident in your body and enjoy orgasms again.
References:
Nguyen V, Dolendo I, Uloko M, Hsieh TC, Patel D. (2023, April 15) Male Delayed Orgasm and Anorgasmia: A Practical Guide for Sexual Medicine Providers.
Marchand E. (2020, October 14) Psychological and behavioral treatment of female orgasmic disorder.
Utilization Review Accreditation Committee (URAC). (2023, May) Mental Health Action Day.
Whitlock J., Mai T., Call M., Van Epps J. (2021 May 13) @THEU. How to practice self-compassion. The University of Utah.
