BDSM sex involves one partner being dominant and the other partner being submissive to the actor of intercourse.
Dominance and control – these are the dynamics that shape the ethos of BDSM (bondage, discipline, sadism, masochism) sex. In this form of sex, one partner takes on a more dominant role and the other a submissive one. Although this may seem rather unnatural, many couples enjoy engaging in BDSM sex. The American erotic romantic drama ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’, which depicted a sadomasochistic relationship between a couple, did a lot to arouse people’s interest in what BDSM sex is.
Some people may already be practicing what can be called mild BDSM activities. These may include light hitting, role playing, blindfolding or hair pulling
According to a study cited The American Board of Sexology, about 47 percent of women and 60 percent of men had a fantasy of sexually dominating someone. While these sexual practices were found to be more prevalent among LGBTQ couples, they were also widely adopted by people of different age groups, genders, and ethnicities.
People like to have BDSM sex, as it helps them build a trusting relationship, it also improves their mood and boosts the relationship. However, there are some unwritten rules and regulations that must be followed when it comes to BDSM sex. To understand the dynamics of BDSM sex, Health Shots caught up with sex expert and psychologist Anu Goel, who explains the dos and don’ts of BDSM sex.
What is BDSM sex?
BDSM is an acronym for bondage, discipline, domination, submission and masochism. It is an umbrella term that describes sexual preferences and behaviors that may include whips, chains, handcuffs, blindfolds, and more.
Read also
- Work refers to one partner restricting the other partner’s movement using ropes and handcuffs.
- Discipline it is about the rules and regulations agreed upon by both parties.
- Prevalence is the act of exercising physical control over the partner.
- Submission refers to a partner who gives in to the wishes of the dominant partner
- Sadism and masochism it’s the pleasure one can get from seeing their partner being dominated or even in pain. Sadism is inflicting pain on your partner, while masochism is receiving pain.
According to a study published in Caperer, bondage is a favorite sexual activity of 85 percent of women in the kink community (a group of people who are into sexual fetishes and kinks). Another study published in The Journal of Sex Researchsuggests that this exchange of power is sexually arousing for many people.
Are there benefits to BDSM sex?
1. Pleasure is enhanced
When there is any kind of bondage, it can increase tension as well as sexual pleasure, says Anu Goel. The Journal of Sex Research cites a study that claims BDSM can put you in a mental state called subspace. This is a space of consciousness that you are in when you receive pain. This floating space seems to be the goal of engaging in BDSM sex and can be defined as enhanced sexual pleasure, which starts right at the conversation stage and ends in pain.
2. It builds trust
When you engage in BDSM sex, it helps to foster a feeling of trust and honesty between the two partners. “There’s a sense of vulnerability when you do BDSM. Couples have to let go or take control, and this also helps strengthen their relationship,” says Goel.
3. Aids in wound healing
A study published in Journal of Sex Research states that BDSM can help one heal from trauma, PTSD as well as from an abusive past. “Power dynamics are another area couples can focus on while engaging in BDSM sex. Taking control in the bedroom can often help couples do this in other areas of their relationship as well,” says Goel.
4. It can improve sexual and mental health
A study published in The Journal of Sexual Medicine claims that people following BDSM experienced less discomfort in sexual function. In fact, BDSM can actually reduce stress levels. according to this study titled Consensual BDSM facilitates role-specific altered states of consciousness: a preliminary study.
How to have BDSM sex?
There is no one way to practice BDSM. You can experiment as you go. “Things like power play, role play, come to the fore in BDSM sex. People can use slavery, handcuffs and even sensory deprivation like blindfolds for the same,” explains Goel. However, there are some points to consider:
1. Prepare well and prioritize consent
To practice safe sex with BDSM, both partners must be well prepared and consent to this form of sexual relations. “You can even consult an expert, or read about bondage sex or watch videos before attempting it,” explains Goel.
2. Set strict rules
Rules, safe words, boundaries, and things that are off limits should be discussed and decided with the consent of both partners. “Mutual consent for every aspect is very important in BDSM sex and should be taken very seriously,” says Goel.
3. Be safe
Both partners should agree on what they are comfortable with. Physical as well as emotional safety is of utmost importance here, says Goel. Non-verbal cues, such as hitting, should be discussed beforehand.
4. Be careful with limitations
Both partners must know how to use any of the BDSM tools. If it involves the use of handcuffs, both partners must know how to open and close these restraints. Handcuff wrenches or scissors should be close at hand, especially when trying out new positions.
5. Go slow
It is very important to enjoy yourself as you go along. So don’t rush. “Start with handcuffs and see how you want to go,” says Goel.
