Sex may have a pleasant reputation, but in reality… pain during sex is common. Almost 75% of women report having painful sex at some point (bad) and the reasons are many. A partner who is very forceful and skips the foreplay. Pelvic adhesions. Vaginitis. Irritated skin from exercise or sex itself. So many reasons!
Menopause is also a driver of painful sex. If you have a vulva, your hormone levels change in your late 40s and early 50s, on average, as your body approaches this next chapter of life. This results in thinning of the vaginal walls, vaginal atrophy and reduced lubrication.
But you don’t have to live with painful sex! Pleasure is your birthright and I want you to have solutions. If sex hurts (and it hurts regularly), try these 12 tips.
1. Take exams
If it’s been a minute since you’ve been to your OB-GYN, make an appointment. They can check for scar tissue (which can occur after childbirth), pelvic adhesions (which can result from endometriosis), cysts, or prolapsed uterus, all of which contribute to painful intercourse.
2. Get your hormones tested
Those with a vulva usually start approaching menopause in their late 40s or early 50s. During this period estrogen levels and progesterone levels decrease, resulting in vaginal dryness. If you are going through menopause and choose hormone therapy (proven to be safe and effective), it can relieve dryness usually in a few months.
3. Use growth factor serum in your vulvovaginal area
Another characteristic of menopause and perimenopause (the transition to menopause, which occurs during the 40s) is more fragile vaginal tissues. But just like facial care, growth factors are entering the market for other areas of your body as well. V-Health makes a serum Apply at night, restoring the lining of your vagina as you sleep. It contains growth factors that support the body’s natural ability to heal itself and regenerate the delicate skin here. The result is a stronger, thicker and more flexible vaginal lining that makes sex much more comfortable. Use code EMILY20 for 20% off your serum!
4. Do kegels
If you have a weak pelvic floor you may have ssomething cintermittent dyspareunia: persistent pain during sex and is more common after menopause. But it can be caused by weak pelvic floor muscles, which you can absolutely tone. Kegels improve blood circulation in the pelvic area and strengthen your pelvic floor muscles. Squeeze as if trying to stop the flow of urine, hold for 10 seconds and release – this is a kegel. Do 10 times, three times a day. Or, go for the gold and get one kegel exerciser.
5. Try a sex wedge
Sometimes sex is painful because lying flat (like missionary) doesn’t work for our bodies. A sex wedge with a firm inner core changes the tilt of your vagina, which is key to comfort. The Prim by Tabu it’s a wedge developed by sex therapists to help ease painful sex, and bonus…it’s the cutest. Get yours for 10% off here (discount applied automatically).
6. Apply lubricant
Lubricant increases the chances of pleasure and orgasm by at least 50%. Minor skin irritations and dryness can make sex feel painful, but the right, sexy slip can instantly make things feel better. Obsessed with this product right now!
7. Take a saffron supplement
When your body is in a general state of inflammation, sex can be extremely sensitive and not in a good way: your vaginal walls may swell, you may have muscle tension in your pelvic floor, and your genital nerve endings register pain. But saffron is clinically proven to help reduce inflammation, so I’ve been relying on it for a few years now. Solaray makes a line of supplements that I like called The stages of her lifeand the Menopause formula anchored by saffron. Which – score – has also been shown to help with sleep and mood. Take 15% off your entire order with code SEXWITHEMILY.
8. Insert an anal plug
Remember how I said the angle of your vagina changes during menopause? Inserting a corner plug can correct the angle and help you explore a very fun erogenous zone. If you’re an absolute beginner, look for a small size, apply plenty of lube and consider a vibrating plug. The vibrations help relax the sphincter muscles and feel really good.
9. Explore CBD or THC sex aids
Both CBD and THC are vasodilators, opening blood vessels for increased flow and pain relief. My favorite cannabis company, VIIA Hemp Co., makes one fearful THC-free formula called Revive. It has reishi for relaxation, 5HTP to boost your mood, and CBD to reduce pain (read the reviews, they are really raving about pain relief). Take a Revive gummy about an hour before you want to have sex. Take 15% off with code EMILY.
10. Try diaphragmatic breathing
Deep breathing helps the pelvic floor muscles to relax and this is essential for sex. If your pelvic floor muscles are tight, insertion of any kind can be extremely painful. Try “belly breathing” while lying down, for 5-10 minutes daily, inhaling into your belly and watching it rise, slowly exhaling and watching it fall. You can also apply this technique before insertion during sex.
11. Change places
Relieving painful sex could be as simple as changing positions. If there’s an anatomical mismatch, for example, you might need a stance that’s a little, er…softer. Try the spoon for shallower penetration or be on top so you can control the depth and angle.
12. See a pelvic floor therapist
Sphincter is a condition where the vagina tightens involuntarily, making penetration of any kind extremely painful. A pelvic floor specialist can work with you to relax chronically strained, tight muscles so you can develop healthy tone. When your pelvic floor health improves, sex is much better.
What are you trying for painful sex? Come find me on Instagram and let’s talk!
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