If you are a man who wants a love, constant relationship – but you are tired of dating, uncertain where to look or wonder quietly if it is still possible – you are not alone.
I have spent more than 50 years with men and their families and have heard countless versions of the same quiet truth: “I want real love … but something doesn’t work.”
It is not that these men have nothing to offer. The opposite. Many are polite, thoughtful, wise, emotionally informed. Have lived a full life. Have taken risks. Some have been married before. Some remained single. Most have made a fair amount of internal work.
So what is the challenge?
The unsuspecting reality of conscious men and modern dating
Men grew up with a very different set of messages about love, masculinity and vulnerability. For years, we have been taught to be self -sufficient, rational and under control. They were rarely taught how to communicate with emotional truth – or how to keep space for the other.
And now we navigate to a dating culture that often feels trading or shallow. Add to this pressure to put yourself out there – after all the life that has already lived – and not strange so many men feel discouraged or hesitant.
But here’s the thing:
The desire of love is not a weakness.
The desire to see, to understand, to respect and to love is not a “need”. It’s human. And there hectare The women out there who want the same thing.
Men receive mixed messages from women. It seems that women want vulnerability, but they often do not know how to keep room for men’s emotions. And at the same time, men want to provide, but women do not always know how to communicate what they want. (They were not trained to ask or share how a man can provide them.)
In my book, The illuminated wedding: The 5 transformative stages of the relationship and why the best is still come, I shared some of my own relationship stories before meeting my wife, Carlin.
“Like everyone else in the face of the planet, I wanted real, lasting love. And as everyone on the face of the planet I did not find these words – Real, lasting, love – easy to achieve. ”
As many I grew up with a faith in love and marriage that was simple:
Step 1: Find this special, your soulmate and fall in love.
Step 2: And they lived happily always afterwards.
But real life is not like movies, as people know who visits my website, menalive.com and watch the welcome video: Confessions of a marriage adviser twice. What is worse, on-line dating people, where more and more people go to find a partner, perpetuates the problem.
In a very strong discussion with the entrepreneur, investor and podcaster, Steven Bartlett, Logan Ury Behavior Scientist and Professor Scott Galloway, They point out that online dating makes connection almost impossible to men.
“If the dating AP is a club,” says Ury, “you have bouncers that keep most men out. But they don’t even appear as a possible choice.”
What I suggest to men looking for conscious, romantic love
If you are ready for a meaningful relationship – not only someone to spend time with, but a partner who grows up – here is what I often suggest to men I work with:
1. Be willing to heal what is still tender.
Regardless of the work we have done, relationships mix our places that are still vulnerable – old wounds, frustrations or beliefs we got a long time ago. If you have experienced heart, betrayal or prolonged isolation, it is important to deal with these experiences with compassion, not a crisis. The treatment is not about perfection – it is the appearance of whole and honest.
2. Clarification What matters to you now.
We change. What we wanted in the 1920s or 30s might not serve us now. Take time to think about what kind of collaboration really supports the life you want to live. Common values, emotional security, physical love, spiritual connection – clarify your priorities.
3. Don’t try to do it yourself.
Many men think they have to understand it on their own. I can’t tell you how many discoveries have come when a man just has a space to be honest – with himself and others. Whether it is a therapist, a men’s group, or a retreat, find places where you can explore who you are nowwithout pressure to perform.
4. Practice to be open, even when he feels embarrassed.
True love requires the danger – not recklessness, but emotional danger. This can mean by expressing interest by sharing your truth or saying “I’m not sure, but I’m willing to learn.” The more authentic you are, the more likely you are to attract someone who is aligned you, It’s not a performance version of you.
5. Keep your heart open for surprise.
Love does not always appear as we expect it. Stay open to the possibility that your partner may seem different from the checklist – or reach through unexpected channels. Stay curious and resist the temptation to shrink to certainty or resignation.
If you are looking for a long -term, healthy, romantic relationshipI will encourage you to look at a shelter that offers something real.
So I share a chance with you: The Conscious singles retreat, event June 20-22, 2025Near Ashland, Oregon.
This is not a quick event or event. It is a strong experience created by two people I know and trust – Joy Taylor, LMT and Gavin Frye, MFT – who met two years ago through Spiritialsingles.com, they fell in love, married and now share their journey to support others to find conscious cooperation.
Joy and Gavin bring decades of experience to psychotherapy, incarnation, training and spiritual practice. Together, they keep a deeply respectful space where people can:
- Get away from the noise and reconnect with themselves.
- Participate in important conversations about intimacy, confidence and love.
- Live physical and sensitive practices to reduce stress and open the heart.
- Spend time in nature with others who also seek a true, mutual relationship
- Get to know some amazing kinship spirits.
The setting is beautiful. The team is deliberately small and intimate. The process is deeply human.
15 women have already registered – and only 2 men. And while this is not uncommon (women often respond first to this kind of bid), Presents a real opportunity for men who are ready.
Because it matters
I believe that when men are healed, relationships are healed. When relationships are cured, families are healed. And when families are healed, people are starting to shift.
There is no shame in the desire to connect. There is no shame to want to love and love.
Sometimes we just need the right space to remember what is possible – and the right people to walk with us.
And you never know, you can meet someone in retreat. From what I’ve heard, it happened last year – the Cupid arrow hit.
I feel blessed to go to my own retreat many years ago and met my wife, Carlin. She and I have been together now for forty -five years. I hope you take the opportunity to see this wonderful opportunity to experience a shelter that can change your life forever. Check it here. We would be happy to do it.
If you want to hear more about me and my job, don’t hesitate to visit me at Menalive.com.
