Seven hilarious quotes that will make you wash your hands before you get stuck
Let me set the scene: You’re right on the cusp of a hookup. You’re on the sofa, or in bed, it doesn’t matter – all that matters is that you get along with each other. Making out super hard. With the passion of a thousand suns and a furious intensity that would make your forefathers drop their corn and blush. Right now, the entire universe is a pair of lips glued to yours.
And then you remember your hands. Right! I have hands! Dandy. I should use them. So you start dragging those fingers of yours towards the Underwear Zone. It’s… Fingering Time™.
But wait. When was the last time you washed your hands? This afternoon, right? And did you cut your nails? Last… Tuesday probably? Who even caresyou think We are both horny and the moment is magical. Let us create a monument of human love that will last for centuries. Or at least I hope to make her orgasm.
Well this article is about Women’s Health Mag looks at the state of dudes’ hands when they finger women. And, we’ll be honest with you, it’s not pretty. Let’s take a look at what these guys had to say when they were interviewed:
The magical world without germs
“It never occurred to me to wash my hands, and now I’m slightly agitated. I wash my hands every time I enter a house so I feel very covered. Sex is like a magical world where germs don’t exist and nothing is gross.” — Scott, 29
The spontaneous lover
“No. I don’t wash my hands right before. Like I don’t run to the bathroom to brush my teeth right before I kiss her or interrupt a spontaneous session on the couch to sterilize my dick with Purell. “Wait a second, gourla – let me boil this D really fast.”I find this unromantic, impractical and generally useless, given the reality of the sterile technique.”—Chris, 32
“From something big”
“I never thought about it, so no, I don’t. Unless I’m particularly hard from being out or handling something boring, but then it’s probably more “I’m going to shower before we strip” instead of “I’m going to wash my hands before I finger you long enough for one to come off from us to the other.” — Dale, 30
“A blind faith in the natural cleansing powers of a bay”
“Washing hands before sex is not something I think is vital, like a condom. I guess I tend to operate on blind faith in the natural cleansing powers of a bay. The best I can say about myself is that I make sure my nails are trimmed.” — Steven, 35
Mr. Metro Pole Germs
“I guess there was probably a time when I introduced subway germs directly into the bay, which is scary. Then again, I’m not sure how dirty some of the hands were to touch my dick, so I’m not going to beat myself up too much.” — Mike, 31
The incident after the Jalapeño
“I had a post-jalapeño incident a long time ago that seemed like a real game changer, but in general I’m probably a little embarrassed to admit that I don’t go wash my hands beforehand. Sometimes it will end up that I did indeed just wash my hands, but not because of a concerted effort that I can remember. It has also never been requested.” — John, 34
General Mack
“I usually wash before I get out of the shower or after cooking or anything that has obvious dirt/germ effects. But I never isolated the fingers for special disinfection or treated the operation with special care, like a surgeon in the operating room wearing gloves, etc. So general muddiness from handling a computer or a phone or a remote control can be a problem.” — Thomas, 36
The good news? I guess you’re fine. Because the bays actually hectare self-cleaning, up to a point. But since antibacterial soap can cause problems with the natural pH balance of the vagina, the big solution here is to just wash your hands properly after you do anything gross, not right before you touch a trick.
Oh, and also: Trim and clean your nails. Regularly. Because scratching her down there and putting a nasty weapon in the cut isn’t just a one-way ticket to infection city, it’s also a major strike if you’re hoping to get invited back to the Lingerie Zone for Fingering Time™.
You can also dig:
