Euphemism: it’s just a fancy way of saying what you do really means. And when it comes to the subject of sex? Well, let’s just say that the language gets us creative. Sure, sometimes these slang terms offer a ‘more acceptable’ or ‘polite’ way of referring to things (eg the ‘birds and the bees’), but they can also be quite naughty.
From the hilariously outdated (“horizontal bop”, anyone?) to the amazingly suggestive (“hanky panky” – my parents used this one), there are hundreds of ridiculous euphemisms for sex floating around out there. And we’re here to treat you to some of the most… interesting.
Old fashioned favorites
In the not-so-distant past, society was a bit wiser when it came to bedroom matters. Graphic euphemisms like “making love,” “being intimate,” or “doing the deed” were about as spicy as things got.
Here are some of the more subdued, but still quite outdated, euphemisms for sex:
Love Conference
I kind of like that. It sounds…official;
A monster with two backs
Rebecca FasmanA curator at The Kinsey Institute, he submitted this delightfully cryptic and Shakespearean euphemism. He says it symbolizes a divine confluence as a distinct being and a primal, animal existence.
Canoodling
I actually think “canoodling” is kind of cute. It has a playful and loving atmosphere.
Give salad to the donkey
Tossing salad is now slang lipbut in the 1600s, it may have simply referred to good old-fashioned sex. But who knows, maybe he was kinky back then too!
Having Relationships
Oh, yes. He insolent. The term “Relationships” is so vague and clinical. it just screams Victorian decency.
Makin’ Whoopee
Doesn’t it sound like you’re about to make a delicious baked good? I keep seeing Little Debbie cakes in my head for some reason. But, in fact, this phrase came from the 1928 song “Makin’ Whoopee” by Eddie Cantor.
Cut throat
Ah, the good old days when a little kiss on the neck was considered scandalous. According to the Oxford English Dictionarythis term was first used in the Middle English period (1150 to 1500).
A roll in the hay
The images here are pretty self-explanatory. This term became popular in the 1940s, in 1942, to be precise.
St. George’s Ride
This phrase refers to a woman being on top during sex. Thus, the “Woman in the Top Position” can also be called the “St. George Position.” This phrase dates from 1811 and is defined by Captain Francis Grose in his Dictionary of the Vulgar Language.
Shaking of the sheets
This hyper-obvious euphemism dates back to the 16th and 17th centuries. THE earliest recorded use it was in 1554 in John Lydgate’s poem, ‘Dance of Death’.
Modern slang
We play it fast and loose with “modern”, but those terms are little more current than the above.
Bingo Night
“I like to use the bingo analogy because it’s so timely,” Sumarie EngelbrechtFounder and Registered Counselor of Wholistic Mental Health Care, tells FemmeFunn. “Just like in the game, there are many ways to win – diagonals, full rows, corners – every win counts,” he adds. “It’s the same with sex. Different things work for different people, and it’s all about finding what brings each person joy and satisfaction.”
Doing it
Not very classy, but he definitely gets the point across.
To be laid
This is probably one of the most widely used modern sexual euphemisms.
Activation
“I feel that this phrase shows that sex is a communal activity.” Leigh NorénSex & Relationship Therapist, Sexologist, and Intimacy Coach at Leigh Norén Coaching & Therapy, tells FemmeFunn. “It’s not about one person ‘hitting’ the other, or ‘getting lucky’ or ‘fucking’ someone, but about how both (or more parties) have sex together – All parties are actively involved in this sentence. bring back some equality!”.
Netflix and Chill
I hate this phrase. It’s a thinly veiled sexual invitation worth cringing at.
Nookie
“I still prefer the more playful British euphemisms to the practical, more businesslike American ones (let’s go to work, do the deed).” Camilla Petersonthe Director of Strategic Communications at Kinsey Institutesays FemmeFunn. “Nookie is one of my favorite examples — it may come from a Dutch word for sex, but I also like that unlike many other euphemisms (lay together, between the sheets, sleep together), it has much more movement/place potential. Many more corners to choose from!”
Drip, Drip
“My favorite euphemism for sex is ‘drip, drip’ because it perfectly captures the suspense and excitement of the moment – like waiting for coffee to brew or a leaky faucet that just won’t stop!” Ellen Flowers, Director of Digital Engagement and Partnerships at the adult entertainment site RM11, says FemmeFunn. “Plus, it brings up the idea that things can get a little messy, which is always part of the fun,” adding, “So whether it’s a slow tease or a sudden downpour, the ‘drip, drip’ adds a cheeky change in the conversation!”
Smush
You can thank Jersey Shore for that.
Schtup
“Such a great term for sex,” says Norén. “It’s short and packs a punch when you say it. It brings a sense of lightness to sex, like it doesn’t have to be so serious.”
Tap This
I can’t hear that phrase without thinking about it Megan McCauley song namesake.
Quick and dirty euphemisms
Moving into some… more racial territory, there are plenty of other euphemisms that are a little more obvious.
Here are some one word wonders:
Bang
Boink
Bugger
Grind
Hump
Nail
Pound
Screw
Score
Breaking
Shag
Weird, wonderful and ridiculously jerky euphemisms
Okay, we couldn’t leave these gems out. Some are quite weird, while others are very creative. (I’m pretty freaked out by themed food TBH.)
Balls deep
Bedroom rodeo
Bumping Uglies
Business Time
Stirring butter
Crumbling buns
Doing Cucumber Squat Thrusts
Doing the Monster Mash
Exploring the Hidden Valley
Getting Jiggy with it
Injecting hot beef
A trip to Pound Town
We fill the Muffin
Chimney sweeping
Testing the mattress
The No Pants Dance
Which is your favourite? I can’t decide if “Stuffin the Muffin” or “Crushing Buns” is the winner in my book.
