Does drinking affect your sex drive?

Sex. Alcohol. Two of the most enduring human interests since time began – but are they really a match made in heaven? Dr. Sarah Welsh, NHS Gynecologist and co-founder of HANX, is at your disposal. Ahead of Valentine’s Day, the night of a thousand hug games, love arrows and frustrated right swipes, he’ll dive into one of your most frequently asked dating questions: does alcohol affect arousal? Read on for some insider knowledge on balancing drinking and bedroom fun…

Have you ever felt nervous before meeting an app match or having sex for the first time with someone new? Maybe you’ve reached for an alcoholic drink because you’ve heard it will help you feel less hurt. More than once we’ve sponsored a pre-Bumble-meetup G&T in a rainy pub to deal with the stress of a group of HANXers. Yes, Dutch courage, otherwise known as wet courage, means having a quick to feel more confident. The positive social associations surrounding alcohol consumption – increased confidence, reduced inhibition, engagingly witty banter – have become an incentive to grab your pre-date drink. It’s a very common behavior, but many people don’t necessarily understand why it’s a useful tool to enhance our sociability.

Alcohol has an impact on our prefrontal cortex (the part of the brain associated with decision-making and social behaviors), putting it more under the control of midbrain dopamine neurons. Dopamine is a neurotransmitter that plays a key role in controlling reward and pleasure in our brain. When we drink, the ethanol in alcohol actually increases the release of dopamine – making us feel good and want more of the source of that feeling. Dopamine is colloquially known as the “feel good” hormone because it is associated with pleasurable sensations. One pint down and you might find that the anxiety of whether you’re fishing for someone starts to disappear and your best jokes come out. Et voila, your restraint is eased by the alcohol-induced dopamine release.

So if alcohol can make us a funnier, more relaxed version of ourselves at the start of the night, you might think that would translate to the bedroom/sofa/living room floor as well. Alcohol is biphasic, so there may be a sweet spot where your blood alcohol level reaches a certain point and you feel super stimulated and turned on. However, this sexy high is likely to be followed by a crash as your blood alcohol level drops and you feel a subsequent depressant effect. That hasn’t stopped the perpetuation of the popular myth that getting your drink on is a calculated aphrodisiac. If you’re planning a spicy Valentine’s night with Tom/Kela/Rae from Tinder, consider the impact of heavy drinking on your shag-a-thon. Overdoing it can have a real impact on our sex drive and overall performance – and I’m not just talking about ‘brewers’ lean’.

A common question (albeit with a blush) is: “does drinking beer make it harder to orgasm?” The taboos surrounding talking openly about sexual performance mean that far more of us have problems with sex after drinking alcohol than you might think.

We’ll start with women and people with vaginas, as the mainstream discussion around the effect of alcohol tends to focus on the male experience. You may find that you don’t wet yourself as much as usual, as alcohol causes the vagina to shrink oiling. There are also signs that it may be harder for you to have an orgasm – or when you do, it’s less intense than you usually experience.

People with penises may have trouble ejaculating or, conversely, may experience AKA erectile dysfunction that comes on too quickly. Let’s touch on droop brewers too. This refers to the temporary inability to achieve or maintain an erection, caused when alcohol slows down and prevents the release of sex hormones, which affect blood flow to the penis.

Beyond the impact of our pleasure, excessive alcohol consumption opens the door to greater danger. In addition to affecting our ability to fully consent to sexual activity, it also increases the likelihood that we will engage in risky sexual behavior. Be sure to transfer condoms (if any) and have an open conversation with your partner about contraception before you have a few too many.

• The eternal question! When it comes to alcohol and sex, moderation is everything. For many of us, having a drink before we start dating/hooking up with a new artist or an old flame is part of the fun of the experience. While it’s important to consider the effect of alcohol on your sexual performance, you don’t have to give up drinking for good before taking it.
• Try switching to alcohol-free options either for the evening or after a “stiff” drink or two. Far from the old days of a B*cks Blue and that’s your place, there are so many soft options that are just as enjoyable as the ‘real thing’. If you drink beer, give it Days to go. They created their zero beers to have all the refreshing, delicious aspects of a beer, minus the side effects, and donate 2% of sales to organizations that foster fresh thinking about mental health. Big news: they’re championing better sex this Valentine’s Day – or your money back.

• Think Why drink too much before sex. Sometimes it’s a built-in habit, a learned behavior to associate sex with drinking, or a response to greater feelings of self-consciousness or anxiety around sex. Consider talking to someone capable of it in a non-judgmental environment where you feel safe and comfortable.

• The sober sex movement has gained massive momentum during COVID, with a Bumble study showing that 34% of users are more likely to go on a sober date than before the pandemic. It’s about focusing on heightened feelings of intimacy, conscious connection, sensuality and respect for boundaries. Ruby Warrington’s book Sober curious is a great place to start if you are re-evaluating your relationship with alcohol and its impact on your relationships.