I would like to preface this by saying that the following story is solely my experience, I am in no way implying that everyone should feel the same way as me nor do I assume that my experience is universal. But if there is one person out there who feels the same or similar to how I feel about this situation, then here’s to you not feeling so alone.
I’ve been diagnosed with anxiety for years, I’ve tried (and often use) all the “standard” techniques. breathing exercises, counseling, you name it. In some cases these helped, but at a time in my life where I had personal and family issues overwhelming me, I felt like I had lost control of my ability to regulate my emotions. After talking with a counselor, I realized I needed a little more than just talking about my problems. I decided to ask if I could try anti-depressants. In October 2022 I was given sertraline, an anti-depressant mainly used to treat anxiety, with the aim of increasing serotonin levels (the happy hormone in your body).
At first I felt… well, I felt nothing. And even though it was scary to feel your emotions numb, what I actually felt was my anxiety lessening. The feeling of constantly being on edge or stressed was lighter, it felt incredibly calming. However, I will admit that I would have moments where I would get stuck in a spiral of my emotions and get more stressed about the fact that I felt so numb. I was sad that I didn’t feel anything because everything I had felt before was so intense and I wasn’t used to it diminishing.
After a few months on sertraline, I noticed a change in myself.
I felt more relaxed and carefree, but also unmotivated and hungry. At the time I was single and taking sertraline helped me feel more confident about myself because I didn’t feel so overwhelmed by my anxiety and the need to panic about everything. Instead, I could develop relationships with anyone and just enjoy my 20s at university. Looking back now, however, for someone who used to overthink everything, the fact that I was enjoying one-night stands and “situations” makes me worry about how fully I understood and felt what I was doing. I was okay with everything and I knew what I was doing, but I just don’t know if I fully realized what that meant for someone who would normally worry about everything.
Fast forward to May 2023, when I started dating my now boyfriend. We were both open from the beginning about our lives and experiences, and I explained my anxiety and how I was taking sertraline. (Disclaimer: no, I didn’t feel like I had to tell him it was just in a deep conversation we had one night at 4am..) He was completely understanding (as he should be) and helpful whenever I needed him and whenever I felt overwhelmed or upset. that I feel nothing.
For some, a side effect of taking sertraline is a lower sex drive, and that was certainly my experience. This was strange to me as I had a higher sex drive before taking this drug and understanding the lower feeling of desire was an interesting transition.
There’s a common saying that you’re “out of the honeymoon stage,” which is when you don’t feel like you have to have sex 24/7 (if you do, then I love that about you, no judgment and no disrespect). As society implies, yes we have left the socially constructed “honeymoon scene” but it has always been hard for me to be “in the mood” since I was on sertraline. I love my boyfriend, I find him very attractive and my better half, but that doesn’t stop my body from having a hard time wanting sex or continuing to want it once it’s started.
I’ve been honest with my boyfriend, which he totally understands, and we talk about it often, as I want to make sure he knows it’s not his problem.
But really, it’s no problem, no one’s fault, it’s just hormones and bodies.
It’s important that I’ve never had my boyfriend or my own brain force me to have sex when I’m not in the mood, I’m just explaining how I felt when I have this internal, mental battle between understanding sertraline and understanding my body.
When you know you want to have sex, but your brain just isn’t cooperating, it can be really hard trying to figure out how to manage your sertraline use. (If you’ve ever felt this way just remember you’re not alone and you’re not the problem). I’ve debated dropping my dose just to manage the lack of feeling whenever I know I want to have sex, but my body just doesn’t quite seem “in”. But for me, I think with time, understanding and open conversations with your partner, you can start to realize what your body wants and how to recognize what you’re feeling in that moment. Another idea might be to talk to the doctors about how you feel and whether lowering the dose would help.
I’m continuing to understand my new hormones and my body, be honest with myself and my feelings, and if I need to talk to a doctor I will. I think this is an area that isn’t always discussed publicly, so I wanted to share my experience for those who have felt the same or for those who just want to understand how mental health medication can sometimes affect relationships.
