You know the feeling. It’s 3 p.m. or maybe 9 p.m. You’ve been “good” all day. You had the protein smoothie. had the chicken breast salad. But now, your brain is hyper-focused on one thing: the cookies in the cupboard.
You say to yourself, “I shouldn’t have them. Sugar is bad. If I start, I won’t stop.”
But the urge grows stronger. You finally break. You don’t just eat a cookie. you eat five, maybe the whole row, quickly and with a heavy dose of guilt. Criticize yourself for your lack of willpower. You promise yourself that you will “start over” tomorrow.
This cycle is exhausting. But here is the truth that the food culture hides from you: You are not addicted to sugar. You’re stuck in a restriction-binge cycle.
The “Pink Elephant” in the room
There is a psychological phenomenon that explains why we obsess over “forbidden” foods. It is often called the “Pink Elephant Effect”.
If I say to you, “Do not, under any circumstances, think of a pink elephant,” what is the first image that pops into your mind? A pink elephant, of course.
Here’s the thing: the human brain is hardwired to hyper-focus on scarcity. When you label a food as “off limits” or “bad,” your brain marks it as a high-value, scarce resource. It increases your awareness of that food and increases your desire for it. This is not a lack of willpower. it is a biological survival mechanism.
And the scarcity mentality can be even more powerful if you’ve ever experienced food insecurity due to lack of money or other reasons. These other reasons could include your parents putting you on a diet or enforcing strict eating rules, such as not allowing desserts in the house. It could also include the insecurity that comes from cycling on and off diets.
The science of habituation
So how do we break the cycle? It sounds counterintuitive, but the answer is unconditional permission to eat.
This concept, which is the key element in the Intuitive Eating Principle of Make Peace with Food, is based on a psychological principle called habit. Habituation is essentially becoming “bored” of a stimulus after repeated exposure.
Think of it this way: Do you remember a song you really liked when it first came out? You heard it on repeat. You got a dose of dopamine every time. But after listening to it 500 times, the novelty wore off. You may still like the song, but you no longer feel a desperate need to listen to it right away.
Food works the same way.
When you know you can have chocolate whenever you want—for breakfast, lunch, or dinner, today, tomorrow, and forever—the urgency disappears. Chocolate just becomes chocolate. It loses its power over you.
“But I won’t be eating cookies all day?”
This is the number one fear I hear from clients. “I can’t give myself permission. If I do, I’ll eat nothing but donuts forever.”
I hear you and validate that fear…but the evidence suggests otherwise.
When you first remove restrictions, you may experience a “honeymoon phase” where you eat more of these previously forbidden foods. This is normal – it’s your body that tests confidence. He waits to see if you will take the food again.
But once your body trusts that supply is limitless and truly unconditional, two things happen:
- Cravings decrease. You realize you don’t have to eat it all right now because it will still be there later.
- Body wisdom comes in. You start to notice how certain foods really make you feel. You may realize that while cookies taste good, eating only cookies makes you feel sluggish or gives you a headache. You naturally begin to crave variety — not because you “have to,” but because you want to feel good.
How to practice unconditional permission to eat
Breaking the limiting mindset doesn’t happen overnight, but you can start with these steps:
- Stop “Last Supper” eating. Stop telling yourself you’ll start a diet tomorrow. Nothing leads to overeating like the promise of future deprivation.
- Keep some “forbidden” foods at home. This may seem scary, but it is necessary. Prove to your brain that food is not insufficient. Sometimes it can help to start with foods that rank a little lower on your “scary scale.”
- Eat with care. When you eat the cookie, sit down. Taste it. Enjoy it. Are you really enjoying the fifth as much as the first? Often, the answer is no. When you practice this, it can help to choose a time when you feel “neutral” — not quite hungry, but not full either — and not experiencing too much stress or strong emotions.
The essence
You can’t hate yourself into a version of yourself that you love, and you can’t limit your way into a peaceful relationship with food. As I often tell my clients, self-criticism is never an effective motivator for positive change. Rigid food rules always end up paying off one way or another.
If you’re tired of the sugar tug-of-war, it might be time to drop the rope. Give yourself permission to have cookies, ice cream and other desserts in your life. You might be surprised to find that when you stop fighting, the cravings stop fighting back.
Are you ready to stop obsessing over food and start living your life? As a Certified Intuitive Nutritional Counselor and Registered Dietitian, I help clients navigate this sometimes scary but ultimately rewarding process. Click here to schedule a free 20-minute Discovery Call to talk about your concerns and see if we’re a good fit.
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Disclaimer: All information provided here is general in nature and provided for educational purposes only. This information should not be taken as medical or other health advice related to an individual’s specific health or medical condition. You agree that use of this information is at your own risk.
Hi, I’m Carrie Dennett, MPH, RDN, a weight that includes registered dietitian, nutritionist and body image consultant. I offer compassionate, personalized care for adults of all ages, shapes, sizes and genders who want to break free from eating disorders, disordered eating or years of dieting. If you need to learn how to management of IBS symptoms with food, or improve your eating and lifestyle habits to help manage a current health concern or just supporting your overall health and wellness, helping people with that too.
Need 1-on-1 help with your nutrition, food or body image concerns? Program a free 20-minute Discovery Call let’s talk about how I can help you and explore if we’re a good fit! I am in network with Regence BCBS, FirstChoice Health and Providence Health Plan and can bill Blue Cross and/or Blue Shield insurance in many states. If I don’t get your insurance, I can help you claim compensation yourself. To learn more, explore our insurance and service areas page.
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